14 - Two Generations, One Story

This isn’t the kind of “friends with benefits” you think you know. In Episode 14, we’re moving past the "Petty Wars" to dive into a topic that defines the very core of this family: Adoption. We are exploring two mirror-image journeys—Kat, who discovered she was adopted at age 36, and Ella, whose legal adoption by her step-father, Kyle, is finalized this month. This is a  Q&A-style look at identity, secrets, and the powerful realization that being "chosen" is often stronger than being born. No gossip, just the real story told with honesty, heart, and the chaotic love that holds us together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome back to Friends with Benefits. Today's episode is a really special one. This month marks a huge milestone for someone we care about very deeply. Ella is about to be officially adopted by her stepdad Kyle. And what makes this conversation even more meaningful is that adoption isn't new to this family's story. I'm joined by Ella and Kat, who was also adopted. So this isn't just one moment or one relationship. It's about how families get built across generations and what it feels like when something that's already been true in your heart becomes official. We're going to talk about what this process has felt like for both of them, what this moment means, and how their stories connect in ways that are actually pretty powerful. Ella and Kat, thanks for joining us today. Ella, has Kyle always felt like your dad, or is that something that grew over time?

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Um, I think it took me, it definitely took me like a little bit to actually like let him be my dad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

Um how old were you when he first came into your life?

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Maybe 11? 10? 10.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

10.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

10.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

So were you kind of just cautious and guarded in the beginning?

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

Did you like him? Like, did you think he was nice?

SPEAKER_02 1:17

I thought he was like I mean, actually. No, I definitely took my mom's side a lot with stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Well, you have to remember in the beginning, kinda kind of sometimes would break up or uh get in fights.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

Uh-huh. You weren't, did you know you like, did you like him in the very beginning?

SPEAKER_00 1:42

I honestly I'm not sure either of us liked each other as much as we thought we did, but it all worked out. So um, but I also think that like I was coming out of my second marriage also at that same time. So were you also kind of guarded and cautious? Yeah. I mean, well, that was one of the things that Kyle and I actually like connected on um when we did first start dating, was neither of us wanted to get divorced.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

We I I really didn't want to get divorced. I mean, I needed to. Yeah, it was the right decision to make, but it's not what I wanted. And Kyle was still very much in love with Sam. And that actually bonded us in a way. Yeah. Because we were in this like situation that we had no control over. Right. And it wasn't what we wanted. But here we were, like splitting our family again. With kids, both of you. With kids, yeah. Yeah. And so that was really rough. And um, so I think that that was probably part of it as well was we had just experienced that. And and that was a mess. Like, yeah. That was I didn't even have children with this man, and it was like the messiest divorce I've probably ever seen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

From your perspective as her mom, when did you start to see that bond between her and Kyle start to take place?

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Um, I would say, I mean, before the tornado for sure, but I would say more so after the tornado.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Um, you guys really, really started to bond. I mean, it was the three of us all the time. Yeah. Um, for a while there. And so I think that's more so when it started.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

But I think I had like just started like before the tornado, like I had just started opening up to him.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

So when did you guys decide that you wanted to start looking into having him officially adopt Ella? Was that was that a recent thing too? Like, or had you been on that path even before the tornado?

SPEAKER_00 3:57

I mean, I think that it probably had been, I actually think it was brought up by Arlen more so than you, um, because he wanted to be a burnham. It had nothing to do with anything outside of like he wanted to have dad's last name. And but we never really looked into it, you know, seriously. Um, and then after the tornado, you know, you ask some tough questions that are, you know, just a little bit like not so fun questions. And one of the things that she had asked was like, what happens to me if if you were to die? And I was like, You you go back to, you know, your biodads. And she did not like that answer.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Yeah. And that's kind of when you decided this was you were you were ready for him to adopt you?

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Well, I mean, it's it's not just about dad, but it was also about Archer. Yeah. You know, she's already lost a brother, and so the idea of losing another was not was, is pretty brutal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Did it feel different or exciting once there was an actual date for the adoption?

SPEAKER_02 5:13

I actually was like really emotional about it because like I kind of felt bad, not like for my biological dad, but like for my family on my dad's side, because um, like I've always been really close with them. Yeah. And I didn't want to think that like now I'm gonna be a burnham, but then like I won't be their family anymore.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Yeah. Do you think that's true?

SPEAKER_02 5:47

No, my mom talked with my aunt Brooke and she said that I'm always gonna be a part of the family.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah. I mean, I'm still part of the family.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Yeah, I that once my mom talked to my aunt Brooke, I felt like a lot better about it.

SPEAKER_03 6:04

That's good. Did it make it feel emotional for you? Like, how did you feel when she decided she was ready to do this and you had that date set?

SPEAKER_00 6:16

I mean, I think I think it's pretty emotional. Um it's it's a weird thing, but um, and and I don't know, maybe it's maybe it's because I have a child who has passed, but like not having the same last name as them, it has always bothered me, but like it bothers me more today. And like I'm I'm really excited that she's gonna have my last name again. Yeah. And so that seems kind of trivial in the scheme of things, but not to me.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

Yeah. Special. Are you guys doing anything special to mark the day? Are we?

SPEAKER_02 6:58

I mean, like I thought that like we were probably gonna eat, but then you're like, let's have an adoption party. Like, what even is that? I don't know if it's a thing.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

We could make it a thing. It's a reason to have a party.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

Yeah. Do you want to have a party? I mean, we can. I mean, you that would be fun. You like to parties.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

I do like to throw parties. I can make whatever you want. Do you want to have a spaghetti party? I don't. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Do you know what you're gonna wear yet on your special day?

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Um, I don't know. Do you want to go shopping?

SPEAKER_03 7:40

I mean, we can. When you have special events for like a variety of special events, do you like, are you more like, I want to go get a dress for that, or are you more, you know, I want to wear like pants and a shirt, or do you have like any kind of style in particular that you go for?

SPEAKER_02 7:58

It kind of depends on the event. Like sometimes like I want to like look like I like kind of tried, but I don't want to do too much. So like I'll wear just pants and a shirt. And then sometimes like I'll want to wear a dress.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

Where does the adoption happen? Is it like at the courts or something? Okay. So for something like that, if you're showing up at the courthouse, it's an actual um, you know, you're getting formalized in the system. Do you feel like that's more of a pant kind of day or a dress kind of day?

SPEAKER_01 8:32

I feel like I'll probably wear a dress. Okay. I mean, if we can find one that's like appropriate for court.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Yeah, yeah. Kind of more on the form, not formal, but more business or like I don't know, church wear or something like this. We'll see. We'll see what we can find.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

I don't really have any.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Have you practiced writing your new name?

SPEAKER_02 9:00

Yes. I have been like really obsessive over my signature because before like we signed the first papers.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

I didn't we had to sign papers when she was having well, when her biodad um gave up his parental rights, she had to sign. Oh and so she had to sign Ella Cody. Yeah. And um she obsessed over her signature. I literally cried about it. Yeah. And then Claire was like, you'll also have to sign as Ella Burnham when you're adopted. Yeah. So then she cried again.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Because like I didn't have a signature.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

Where do you practice writing it?

SPEAKER_02 9:53

There's a notebook in the car, like a notebook and a pen. And I practice it in there.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

I love that. I love that you practice it.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

And that's the only thing in that notebook. It's just her practicing. It is her signature practice notebook. Clara literally gave it.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Claire didn't it for that. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

She did.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

Do you have any idea of like what's gonna happen at the adoption service or ceremony or mo like what do you call it? An adoption appointment? I I don't know. Like, do you is there an agenda for that?

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Or um my understanding is I I I think they just sign papers and they do, I mean, I guess they do something because Claire had told me that like we could even invite people. Oh, okay. And that's why I sent you the date. Yeah, yeah. So it's like in the courtroom. Yeah. Um so you have witnesses. Yeah. Uh-huh. I do, I guess the judge does like say a few words.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

Um Ella, do you take this family to be your lawfully wedded? Uh, I don't know what you think of that. For better, for worse. Sickness and in health.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Yeah, sickness and in health. That means you have to take care of us when we're sick and old.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Auto squeeze, you guys like she'll pay for care.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

No.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Oh my god. I'm not doing all that.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

I mean, something I mean, like, I'll feed you guys. Thank you. And I'll put you guys. I'll tug you in bed. Those are those are sweet things to do.

unknown 11:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

I'll I'll help you walk. Thank you. But like diapers. Nah. Nah, like my parents, no. Like babies, like I'm cool with that. Their lot smaller. Well, my parents, that's just weird.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

She'll still be there for you. She'll just have an in-home nurse by her side. I wasn't thinking about myself.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

I was thinking about your poor father. Who's gonna take care of him? The in-home nurse. Tina.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

That was good. That was really good.

SPEAKER_03 12:28

Cats. Can you take us best back for a second and talk about what your adoption story was like?

SPEAKER_00 12:36

I I can. Um, so my grandmother on my mom's side uh passed away in the beginning of 23. And um, she was really big into like genealogy, but like like we're talking traveled to places to get copies of like birth certificates and things of that nature. And so she had binders and binders and binders of paperwork. And so um my sister and I, we had gone up to Maine to like help, you know, clear out some of the things from my grandmother. And um, we were like, we are gonna help, you know, continue this process, but we're gonna be a little bit smarter about it. And so we decided to do um DNA tests. And I do just want to make a note, my mom knew that we were going to take DNA tests. Like we had talked about it numerous times. So just know that for the side. Um so we took these DNA tests and they take a couple weeks, you know, to come back as 23 and me. Um, I'm pretty sure I had Kyle do one as well at the same exact time that I did mine. And my results came back, and I had a lot, like a lot of family members in Texas and Oklahoma. And that does not make sense for my family's genealogy because they're all from New England. Um, like, I mean, generations upon generations upon generations from New England. Like our family came over, not not on the Mayflower, but like one of the first boats that came. And just settled there and never left. And so having family and like that much family, I was like, that's that's not right. So I called my mom and she was just like, Oh, you know, I'm sure it's just like your your uncle's family, because my uncle does live in um Oklahoma City. And I accepted it at first. And um then I like went back and I was like, nope, that still doesn't make sense because my sister and I did the test together. And so we and we we have different dads, and we've always known that. And the family members that were in Oklahoma and Texas were not like we didn't share those family members and it would have been shared family members. Your Martin was it was my she's brother. Both of your moms. Yes. Uh-huh. And um, so I I called my brother actually. And my brother was like, I'll I'll talk to mom. And he talked to mom, and then he called me back pretty quickly and was like, You have to talk to mom. And I was like, What did you find out? And he's like, You have to talk to mom. And so I called mom again, and um that time she admitted that my who I thought was my biological dad was not my biological dad. And um, and he knew he was not my biological dad.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

And for your entire life, you never knew that.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

I never knew that. Nope. And how old? 36. Yeah, 36 years old.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

It was wild. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

And yeah, I I called, I called my dad and told him that I had found out, and he his response was like, Oh, I already knew that. So everyone knew, yeah, everybody knew, everybody knew, like and I think that was part probably one of the toughest parts about it. Yeah. And so upsetting was like everybody knew. And then the other part that was really upsetting was my sister also has a different dad. Um, and like she knew that and she got to know him and you know, had a relationship with him. And here I am at 36, I mean 39 now, trying to navigate a relationship with a man who's never had children. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, like, he has no kids outside of me. Yeah. Um, and he's from a totally different generation. So he's he's he's a little weird. And it's uh it's difficult to navigate.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

So you've only known this for a couple years. Were you formally adopted by your who actually I guess is your stepdad, the the man who raised you.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

So it would be my well, no, because like I have a stepdad also. Um, so I I've just been calling him my adopted dad. So my understanding is in Oklahoma, um, if you sign the birth certificate or you're listed on the birth certificate, whatever, like it is essentially like you are claiming that child is your own.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

So it doesn't require a formal adoption of any kind.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

That's my understanding. Um now, even if he's just like, oh, like I just signed it because I was planning on taking it. To me, I'm like, yeah, same, same. Yeah, yeah. I'm not your kid. And you decided to take beyond, I guess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

Um, but that's all it took to make it official. Yeah. Then you didn't have to go through, you have to court.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

You don't have to do any of the things that she has to do to be a Robinson.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Has any of have any of those conversations come up in um this new process of getting Ella adopted? Do you guys talk about what your experience was like or how it's different from Ella's, or does it seem like not part of this new experience? Does it seem relevant or not at all?

SPEAKER_00 18:42

I mean, I wouldn't say that it's irrelevant. Um, I think probably the conversations are more around like, oh, you get to have like you get to know stuff. You we talk about things versus finding out when you're old.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Yeah. Like you're being open and honest.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yeah, transparency. Yeah. Transparency is is big.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

But I mean it mine is like a lot different than it's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yeah. Well, I mean, you're it's something that you were choosing. Like I didn't choose this. Not saying that I wouldn't have chosen, you know, my dad to be my dad. I I don't know. Like, I don't know what I would have chosen. Um, but like it is very different in that sense.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

But it's interesting that it's it's also the same. I mean, you you were both adopted. I mean, you're in the process of being adopted, whether you knew it or not. You were technically. I mean, he did sign the line, and you do have that shared experience in a very different way. And how interesting is that that's something that's gonna kind of, you know, bond both of you in a way. Just one more way. It's just it's you know, I don't have that in my experience. You know, that's not something that my mom and I share, but you know, you didn't even know it, and now it's something that you you share with your daughter.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

It is, I mean, it's different to know that you are chosen versus, I mean, like as, you know, parents, we like your your child doesn't get to choose who your parents are. Yeah. Um, we don't get to choose who our children are, you know, essentially, at least biologically. Um, and so being adopted means that somebody had to actively make the choice to take you on, whatever that looks like, love you. Um it is it's it's special in its own way.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

I mean, I definitely feel nice to feel chosen by a dad.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

You feel chosen?

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Yeah. I never feel chosen.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

It's nice, huh?

SPEAKER_03 21:02

Do you think that anything, Ella? This one's for you. Do you think that anything actually changes after this? Or has he already just been your dad in your heart? Like, is this after the ceremony, after you sign the line, you know, all of that, does anything actually change for you, or is it just making official something that is already deeply held within you?

SPEAKER_02 21:27

I don't really think anything like like actually changes except like I'm just the formality of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

He's really always been my dad.

SPEAKER_03 21:38

Yeah. And now he has to deal with you for better, for worse. In sickness and in health as well. Forever. There's no easy out for him either.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

I mean, he has less like less time than he has to deal with you. Like four years.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

What?

SPEAKER_03 22:02

That you're living at home. Oh yeah. Unless she does it. I mean, she may not move out like I mean like Sam. I don't want her to move out. She may not.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

I don't want her to. I want her to stay here. I'm going forever.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

She's like, I will be living out.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

We were just talking about this the other day. But she's not going to give her bedroom up either. Probably not.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

No.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

She shouldn't. Oh my god. I can't with you.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Who's going to stay at our house?

SPEAKER_00 22:33

We could have visitors. We who? People can't just like keep cleaning rooms in our house that they don't live in. We have another couch. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

What does the official part mean for you? Like, what does it change for you, if anything? Is it is it why is it important as a mom for this part?

SPEAKER_00 22:54

For me, it's the security. It is knowing that if something happened to me, which, you know, again, like that's very forefront in our mind that that that something horrible could happen. Yeah. Um, and so for me, knowing that she is not going, if she had to experience losing me, um, she would not have her entire life ripped apart by having to move, you know, to another state to, you know, be parented by someone who's been pretty absent her entire life. Um, definitely in the last, you know, five plus years. Um, and you know, there's there's a new wife that she doesn't know. Like it's it would be so much. And to do that while grieving a parent um sounds terrifying. Yeah. And a lot. And sounds like honestly, she's been through enough in her lifetime. Like I I don't, I'm not excited about the day that she'll lose me because it seems really unfair for her to lose anybody else.

SPEAKER_03 24:08

But um But this is this is how we give her as much stability as possible for anything as unimaginable as that. Yes. What does your relationship with your dad look like on a normal day? Not like the big celebrations and things like that, but just your normal every day. Uh I don't want to like. Is he a goofball with you?

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Yes, like he thinks he's funny.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Like he just like sings and then he's like I've heard about the singing. Sings all the time. Uh-huh. Sings about what he's doing, what he wants to do, all things.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

Do you have anything you guys do together? Do you have like I don't know. I know you have a wrestling mat downstairs, but does he help you with the wrestling, like your skills, or um, do you guys go on like daddy-daughter dates or go to the movies or anything? Is there anything you like do for fun with him?

SPEAKER_02 25:12

I mean, we go to the movies a lot. And we also go to the mall a lot. Yeah. And he with the wrestling, he just like shows me wrestling TikToks a lot. Like send so many. He sends me them, and then when I come upstairs before practice and he's like off of work, he's like, let me show you this video. Do this at practice today.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Or else.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

But they both like scary movies. And I do not like scary movies. So that's kind of where it started was they they started going and seeing scary movies together. Yeah. But now it's a pretty regular thing, like generally like every other week or so. I would say like at least once a month, at least. But yeah. And that would be a daddy-daughter date, just so you know.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

I don't call her face. I will never what?

SPEAKER_02 26:16

I will never say daddy daughters. Like, I either call him dad or father.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

Father-daughter date?

SPEAKER_02 26:25

Father-daughter date.

SPEAKER_03 26:30

So, you know, you guys have a unique family anyway, with all the blending and everything. Um, how does this experience, both yours, Kat and Ella's, how does that factor into your your definition of family?

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Well, I mean, I talked about it last week that biology doesn't necessarily dictate, you know, your family. Yeah. And so I think it's again, kind of on that same path that biology does not dictate, you know, who is your family. Your family is who shows up, you know, who who's there for the moments that matter. And um that's that is the family that we've built together. What does family mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Uh I don't know, like, I don't know, annoying people that won't leave. No, I wasn't gonna say.

SPEAKER_03 27:35

I mean, even Sam was talking too about one of the beautiful things about friends is they're the people you choose, like the friends are your family that you choose. And Ella actually did have an opportunity to choose um her family. You know, not everybody gets that that chance. Um, but your family does have a very, very strong bond and you know, immense love for each other, and you guys do show up for each other.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Yeah, I don't know what mom said. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:14

You sound like Sam now, what she said.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

That works, it's perfect.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

Do you think this is gonna change how other people see your family? Or um maybe that doesn't even matter, but you know, are there any outside opinions or expectations that you feel like you're having to navigate?

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Or um, I don't think so. Um, I mean, even already be, you know, before the adoption, like there are people who either think she's a burnham or are confused why she has a different last name. Oh yeah. Um, and so this will make that easier, yes, uh actually. And I I I can't think of anybody, I mean, even her her bio dad's um family is very supportive of like what we're doing um and understand it. And so like we haven't really had anybody that's fighting it per se. Yeah, not even my diode dad himself is fighting it. I wasn't gonna go there, but oh my gosh. Are you like laugh laughing so you don't cry or what's happening over there?

SPEAKER_03 29:37

I mean, that's pretty that I mean I kind of go back to where she said it feels good to be chosen too, you know, because that is her is can be hurtful, you know, the way he I mean, I think that's present.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

I think it's not just like the not being present, but like when we approached like this whole idea, um, he was pretty quick to just be like, oh, I can just sign her over. Like it there wasn't much of a fight. Yeah. And um, which is what we wanted, yeah. But at the same time, like it still feels like when you texted him or when I talked to him about it.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

Oh, I I was talking about when I talked to him. Was he different with you?

SPEAKER_02 30:25

Yeah, when you talked it. He was like, You're too young to be making such a big adult decision. Like, we don't even talk, we need to build a bond first. He just like ignored it, and I was like, bro.

SPEAKER_03 30:38

How did that make you feel? Just like, get off my phone, bro.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

I did tell her she could say whatever she wanted. She can.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

I mean, it's it's not wrong. And then like he calls my phone and he's crying. But how many times has he reached out since? Um since you texted it? Since you have text, but I haven't blocked. But I mean, he has other ways of getting a hold of you. I don't think he has my phone number. I don't have his phone number. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

I have no words. It was just messenger.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Okay. Any final thoughts on adoption, family, the things that don't always get said and sometimes do.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

I mean, is there any anything else you want to get off your chest over there? I've said a lot more, but good. You good? Are you excited?

SPEAKER_03 31:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

It's only like a week away. Well, two weeks away.

SPEAKER_03 32:02

Which means we need to get to it if there's gonna be a party.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

I know a spaghetti party. Spaghetti. Do you want to have a spaghetti party? We'd have tacos. Oh, you want to do a taco party?

SPEAKER_03 32:17

I love tacos. How do we decorate for it? Colors? Do we have special colors? Gold and white or yellow and purple. Those are special colors. Do you want other colors? Oh, yeah. Do a rainbow party. A rainbow taco party.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Who should we invite?

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Everybody.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Just people that we like. Yeah, people we like.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

Absolutely. People we like. People you don't like don't deserve to be at our party.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Especially not for such a special day. When you become Ella Bella.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

Fairy. Ballerina. Princess. Burnham. Should I write? Did I? Supposed to be Ella Bella Burnham. Oh, I'm sorry. Ballerina.

SPEAKER_03 33:11

No, fairy Ella. Can you say it a little bit louder? I'm not sure. I'm getting all the words. Yeah, say it louder. Ella Bella. I got that.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

Burnham.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

Now I mix up Ella Bella Burnham. Fairy ballerina princess.

SPEAKER_03 33:34

The whole thing. Is that in your handy dandy signature practicing notebook? Oh, she would die.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

That'd be a whole page. I would actually like break down. I still like cry about my signature. It's gonna be beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

It is gonna be beautiful. Bs are really fun to do, beautifully.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

It's literally a lowercase A and then an uppercase B.

SPEAKER_03 33:58

An A and a B?

SPEAKER_02 33:59

I mean an E.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

That's the other word. I was like, whose name are you writing?

SPEAKER_02 34:04

I mean an E. A lowercase E and an uppercase B. And my mom's like, stupid. What? Dude. I say stupid.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

I mean, I signed my last name with like an M and a line.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

That's what I I told her to do the same thing. I do a B and a line. Yeah. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

But you guys say like for this to have my first name too.

SPEAKER_03 34:27

Well do you mean there's it's a K and a line with a with a it's a K with a line that sticks up and goes out again, so I can cross my T and then there's an M with You can't see all the lefters in my signature.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

I'm telling I I I don't think it's that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

It's it's just an E.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

But I don't like how it's gripped. An uppercase E looks. I don't like how it looks. It's ugly. It is ugly, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

A lowercase e is prettier.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

I think it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 35:04

We can work on that. We can we can even practice. You know how like at baby showers they have games? We could have games for her adoption party, and like one of the games is like a signature table, and we give her all kinds of options for like how to write a signature. Hi. The answer's yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Yes, paraphoning.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

Okay. Why didn't you knock on the window or something?

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Goodness. Well, can I have two minutes? What? Can I have one or two minutes? I have four blue. I guess so.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

Ella? Huh? Kat, thank you for sharing your stories today. What makes this conversation so powerful is not that it's just about one adoption story. It's about how family evolves, how love shows up over time, and how something can be true long before it's ever made official. Getting to hear both your perspectives, Ella going through it now, Kat who's already lived through something similar, it just adds another layer that you don't always get to see. I think what stands out most is that family isn't defined by a single moment. It's built in the everyday, it's built in the relationships, it's built in the choice to show up for each other over and over again. So we're celebrating all of that today. For anyone listening, if you have a story about what family looks like for you, we'd love to hear it. These are the conversations that remind us we're not alone in how our stories unfold. Thanks for being here, and we'll see you next time on Friends with Benefits.