Becoming Burnham
A blended family, big feelings, mental health days, and grief that shows up uninvited. Becoming Burnham is messy, honest, healing, and very us.
Becoming Burnham
30 - The Whole First Day
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If you've got a kid starting school this year, you already know all about that first day feeling, somewhere between excitement and low grade panic. We just lived through it ourselves, and instead of just posting a cute photo and moving on, we wanted to actually sit down and talk about what it was like. The mornings, the goodbyes, the waiting, the pickup, all of it. If you're in the middle of your own first week, we think you'll recognize a lot of this.
Hey, it's Kat and Christina. Welcome back to Becoming Burnham. Today we're talking about the first day of school, hours specifically, what it's actually like to live through that first day. Tell me a little bit about what the morning looked like at your house. First day, half day, how was it?
SPEAKER_01I actually totally lucked out this year. Yeah. Because so the first day of school landed on Sam's week. So technically she had the morning routine and she lucked out because her mom is visiting. Her mom had to help out with um first day of school stuff. And I just got a hey mom, bye. He just popped his head in and as he was on his way, right? Yeah, he totally was this. I will say this is the first year, and it did make me a little bit sad that he wasn't like, Hey, are you gonna get up and walk me? Nothing. He was just like, I did I'm riding my scooter, I'm out. And I remember third grade just being a big year. Yeah. Especially for boys, even my stepkids. I remember one of my stepkids, the teachers were convinced he couldn't read going into the third grade. Yeah. And they're like really concerned about, you know, how he's not gonna be able to pass third grade. We really need to work on it. And it was like in the span of third grade, he became the best reader in the house. Wow. You know, and so there's something, I don't know if it's that like the intelligence and the maturity meet finally.
SPEAKER_00I don't know, you know, when they're little and you have those language explosions or those gross motor skills, like yeah, they're crawling, crawling, and then all of a sudden they walk and they and then they run, and you know, all of a sudden a lot happens at one time. Um, there's something to be said for that third grade year when they're like seven, eight years old. Also, with with what they're doing in school, kind of kind of aligns to that that big development in the brain, too, because they go from like learning how to read to reading to learn. And so now we have to read information. It's more like new content vocabulary and new, you know, critical thinking skills and things like that. So their brain becomes more complex, like a different part, it can do things that it didn't want. And some kids develop earlier and and have those more abstract thinking skills and critical thinking skills a little bit early. But generally speaking, that third grade year is a pivotal year in that brain development too.
SPEAKER_01I knew that there was a reason I felt that way, and I just I didn't really know why. If something is still wrong after third grade, then I'll worry. Yeah. But so far, all of my kids have been essentially geniuses.
SPEAKER_00How did it feel for you at the start of this year? Was there a moment you had to fake being okay, or were you, did you feel pretty grounded and ready? I think I think I felt pretty ready for everybody to be gone.
SPEAKER_01But I have been a little bit like extra sad. Yeah. I I don't know if it's like beginning of school year always makes me kind of, you know, a little bit sad because it's like, oh, Arlen would be in this grade. And so I feel like I'm missing part of the experience that I would normally be having. I don't know if it's that or you know, Archer growing up and not wanting me to walk him to school. Like it could be all of it, you know, together. The beginning of the school year is so emotional, I think, as a mom. No matter what. Yes, no matter what. Whether your kid is going into kindergarten or their senior year. Now, I mean, obviously, kindergarten senior year, those are bigger. Yeah. With a lot more emotion.
SPEAKER_00But it's it's always the beginning of the year is always exciting to me. It's exciting to me as an educator and seeing all the kids back. And there's just this buzz in a school when everything is fresh and you're getting ready for the kids to come in. Like it gives me goosebumps to think about. But it's also exciting for the kids. They've got their new haircuts and their new clothes, and it's just really exciting. And I always love the beginning of the year, but it's also sad because it's like the la it's the first time they're gonna have a first day in third grade, but it's also the last time they're gonna have a first day in third grade, you know. So it's a lot of final and beginning feelings all wrapped up together.
SPEAKER_01And that's probably why I get a little bit sadder at the beginning because I'm not getting the first or the finals, and it always brings me back to my final. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And you've got all that wrapped up into what is already a normally, you know, kind of roller coaster of an emotional ride this time of year. It's another milestone that you have to navigate differently, just like holidays and birthdays and things like that. What did you do with yourself when they were gone? Did you feel like you could think more clearly? Did you do other than lunch? Did you do anything else differently?
SPEAKER_01I didn't do anything else different, but I have to say I got through my work so gosh drive without like having the constant like this. Can you find this? Can you make me this? What's going on? Can I go ask someone so to play? Can I I mean now it's can I pick up the ducks? Which has been the question all day long today. But wait, what? Can I pick up the ducks?
SPEAKER_00What ducks? Oh, I bought ducks. Oh, hold on. Add to an already stressful and overwhelming and emotional time of year. You did what?
SPEAKER_01I went to Roll King yesterday and I wanted to buy cinnamon licorice because I thought they sold it there, and they don't, they sell cinnamon bears, just so everybody knows. Okay. And I walked out with four ducks. They're really cute.
SPEAKER_00They're really cute. When you sent a picture last night, I was like, where did this guy come from? And I was trying to like look at your background. I thought you were at someone else's house. Oh, okay. Maybe. Okay. So that's why I was trying to like look, but you had it so close that all I could see was the duck wrapped up in his little blankie. Yeah, I was he totally threw me. I I had no idea. I didn't have that in my family events.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so Burnham Family event um yesterday was ducks. And I am pumped. I already have uh a layout in the backyard of where they're I don't know if it's called a coop for ducks. I know it is for chickens, right? I don't know what an enclosure. Yeah. So I have that laid out and we're gonna build a little pond for them. And so I already know where it's gonna go. I'll be able to see it out this window. Yes. I will.
SPEAKER_00And well, I know Archer was saying yesterday how he wanted to teach them how to swim in the pool. And I told Damien before he went to bed last night about the ducks too. And the first thing he said was, maybe they can swim in the pool with us.
SPEAKER_01Will I sometimes maybe let them swim in there? Maybe. I don't know. I haven't decided.
SPEAKER_00Depends on how cute they are.
SPEAKER_01I mean, if we can potty train them. Just put a little diaper on it. But apparently, ducks cannot be potty trained. That's what I was told, and that was what I read. So if there are people on the internet that have been successful with potty training their duck on all years.
SPEAKER_00Okay. That's a new episode right here. Going back to the day they were at school, anything else you did differently that day, or that was really it?
SPEAKER_01Just really work and yeah, I mean, it was like practically like no change whatsoever. But I think part of that too is because Archer he did stop in and hung out with us for a little while, but you know, ultimately he went back to Sam's house to hang out with his grandma. And like that was it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, how did that, how did you navigate that as your your blended family with all the back to school that had to be done, shopping, meal planning, that kind of stuff? Do you guys share the load that way, or what does that look like for your family? We do.
SPEAKER_01So I do really, I shouldn't say I normally do all the back to school shopping. I do normally do it, but Sam has done it in the past as well. It just kind of comes down to like who has the time and the capability. And so I did it this year because I have extra time on Fridays and tax-free weekend and all the things. So I was like, I'll just do it on Friday. And and Kyle's home. So she normally is the one who makes him lunch. So even sometimes on our week, because I don't do it automatically. Yeah. And because I pay for his lunch. So why wouldn't you just eat the lunch that I'm paying for already versus like making him something different? Yeah. He also has a tendency to just like eat the snacks that I pack him versus actually eating food. And then, but if it's like the school lunch, he'll eat like the main course versus the snacks because the snacks don't actually exist as special and he doesn't want that. So she'll do lunches for him. And then, you know, I kind of do like everything else. But even on um like her weeks, you know, he gets ready over there. She has a very different routine than I do. Yeah. He like she was explaining it to her mom, and I just like thought it was so funny how she was explaining it because she's like, he's got a certain wake-up time, yeah, but he has an absolute must wake up time that he can watch his cartoon for 20 minutes before he has to serve.
SPEAKER_00Because everything has to be done first, right?
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, no. That's how it is here.
SPEAKER_00He does that first. Oh wow, that's risky.
SPEAKER_01That's what I said. And I'm like, I'm not willing to risk it. But she's got it, I mean, it works. She's got it set. Sam is up early because she has to also go to work. I don't I don't get up as early. Right. And so I potentially could miss, you know, like the right wake up time to make sure he's ready. And I will say, Archer is so flipping cranky in the morning. Is he? Yes. So if he has the wrong wake up, if you walked in there and you were like, oh my god, we're late, you gotta get up right now, it will ruin his entire day. Damien is like that too.
SPEAKER_00It's just a a panic and a grouchiness. Damien is similar, he likes to just gentle melt into his day. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Must be nice. Because me, I'm like, I'll get up and then five minutes later, I'm in front of it. It is interesting the different dynamics at between the two houses. But at the end of his like getting ready period, like it's the same thing. He will go over to whichever house he's not currently at, make sure he says good morning to everybody. He normally makes us coffee in the morning. I love that. Yeah, yeah. Um, and then he ends up here ultimately because Sam leaves for work and we're home. She leaves before he has to leave for school. He stores a scooter and everything. So no matter what, he'll end up here, beginning and end of the day.
SPEAKER_00Do you have does he have clothes at both houses? Oh yeah. Yeah, does he? Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's we we always laugh because so depending, so if it's a wrestling week, for example, and he's staying at Sam's house that week, well, he's goes to wrestling with me, and so I make him take a shower before he goes home. So then his clothes that he was wearing all end up here. Uh-huh. So we tend to like, I'll have to go through his stuff and like send clothes back to Sam's house eventually because she'll be at home and she's like, No, you know, I have no clothes, but she'll have tons of pajamas. Or vice versa. They never ever have the right ratio where one house has pajamas and one house has clothes.
SPEAKER_00Yep. Was there a part of that first day that felt strange without everybody here? No.
SPEAKER_01Just felt nice.
SPEAKER_00It felt really nice. You can ask me that question this week.
SPEAKER_01I was actually thinking about it today. I was like, man, they're gonna be gone for like eight hours. What am I gonna say? When do you think it'll hit you? Probably Wednesday, because like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday we have wrestling. I do notice on Wednesdays when I start to like turn everything off because I'm like, okay, I'm going to Thursday and Friday and I don't have all these extra things to do. Yeah, you notice the silence and stuff. Yeah. So I guess we'll see. I might, I'll probably cry or something.
SPEAKER_00Do you talk to anyone else when it starts to feel lonely or you're feeling emotional, or do you kind of keep that to yourself? How do you handle when it does start getting strange and overwhelming?
SPEAKER_01I guess it depends. So I'm still in therapy every single week. So she probably hears the brunt of it. Yeah. I know that I am keeping things a little bit more to myself right now, just with Kyle, you know, he's having his own moment and he deserves to have that moment. And not that I would be like taking away from it.
SPEAKER_00But you're prioritizing him for being there for him right now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that that needs to happen. But I mean, like sometimes I'll send you a message. Yeah, it's pretty rare, but I will every now and then. And sometimes Sam. Yeah. I don't like asking for help. I'm not, I don't like people seeing me cry. I don't want people to see me weak and vulnerable. It's a real issue. Yeah. Um, my therapist says that it is because I'm a control freak and I don't like to lose that composure. Yeah. So my friend Annalisa is the one that I normally I have no problems crying in front of her. Yeah. I have no problemer, maybe, or she is, but I think it's because like they've they've had their own loss, you know, early on. Anybody who's like lost a child or had a miscarriage, there's the darkness about you that like a lot of people don't necessarily understand. Yeah. Because bringing children in the world is such a gift and it's miraculous and it's beautiful and it's all these wonderful things, and it is all of those things. But it's also very sad and hard when you've gone and experienced loss.
SPEAKER_00There's something about that kind of drama that she can relate to. Going back to the school day itself, um, let's just talk about the pickup line because I know that's a hot topic for any parent. You ever experienced that?
SPEAKER_01Okay. Oh yeah. What's it like here? So our school, I don't know what it is, but I swear to God, every year it's like everybody forgets how it works. And I'm telling you, like, we we live in a neighborhood where I mean this neighborhood was built for children to go to this school. Yep. So most everybody's lived here for a long time. We've all been taking our kids to school for a long time, and we still can't figure it out. And I'm like, I don't know what it is about.
SPEAKER_00This intersection in particular at the end of your street that is just it gets crazy. It gets crazy and then from there all the way to the school.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And um so right after the tornado, we were living in plantation estates, yeah. So like we had to drive every single day, and I had to pick them up every single day. And I do remember the first day of school, I was like, what is happening? This is insane. Yep. Because it was so we came the other direction, and I mean, and I could see the cars wrapped around, but also from that way, it was totally wrapped around. Yeah, and like there's three lanes, right? For the pickups, and at one point people had it in five lanes, at one point they had it in two, like they couldn't figure out like, oh, this is I need to follow this car because there's colours that clearly mark three lanes, and then somehow people would be it was a mess. It was a total mess.
SPEAKER_00Last year, the year before that I drove Davy into school, and same thing, like we came from our house. I kid you not, it took us probably 45 minutes to get from our house, which is like two blocks from this corner all the way up, and it was it was before the crosswalks and things got put in. It was before there was it, it had to have been like the year after the tornado. It had to have been like school year 24, 25. Yeah, because there was all the construction and like all the big giant trash cans, trash bins, and no, none of the kids could walk on the sidewalks. It was absolute chaos. I've never seen anything like it before in my life. Like kids just jumping out, like bolting across the street in front of cars, cars bypassing, like there were people stopped at the stop sign to turn to go to the school. Yeah, and there were other cars that would pass the whole line of stopped cars and just go through the stop sign to miss all the traffic. It was insane. And like that day, I took video of us trying to get him to school and the kids jumping out, and I wrote the city and I wrote the county commissioner and I wrote the mayor. Every I was like, we have to have crosswalks. This it was I've never seen anything like this.
SPEAKER_01Well, I remember when that kid got hit on their bicycle and in our neighborhood.
SPEAKER_00I think it was right around the same time.
SPEAKER_01It wasn't very long after school started that that happened. And I remember, I mean, a lot of the parents in the neighborhood were writing, and we we got we did get a crosswalk. We did, yes. That was awesome.
SPEAKER_00And they fixed the street and they put the barriers, and yeah.
SPEAKER_01And now we even have a cross light.
SPEAKER_00Yes. So do you think they're gonna put a cross guard? Crossing guard? I I mean the school doesn't have funding for one, so unless there's like a parent volunteer. I had this vision. Have you ever seen those videos of like neighborhood kids where they all bike to school together in the neighborhood? So it's like one parent who like bikes, it's so it's like a like a bike, like a carpool almost, but of bikes. I kind of like that. I could be the the lone parent, like biking all these kids to school, but I'd have to be there too early, and I don't want to deal with that. So it'll just be me and Damien.
SPEAKER_01But like completely defeat the purpose of you got this new job that's giving you more flexibility, and then you're like, we just add on.
SPEAKER_00Taking all the kids in the neighborhood. Come on, guys. I don't see a crosswalk in the future, but you know, maybe if somebody steps up and wants to do it, it's just it seems like lots of people have issues and then nobody wants to step up either. It would be nice though, because I've seen crosswalks up here on what is that, Tiny Town? Um, for whatever school that is in the butt's a police officer. Or yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01That that one is paid for, I'm pretty sure, because it's such a busy road. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe when I lose my job, I'll become a crossing guard.
SPEAKER_00We just do this partnership of like kid escorting to school and I'm the one on the bike and you're the one stopping traffic. And I feel like, I don't know, I feel like I might get hit by a car.
SPEAKER_01You're a little short. I can't see me. I would need like the the airplane, you know, those ones. I'll be like guiding traffic like that. I I probably have to take a class or something.
SPEAKER_00You probably would. Archer, you didn't have to deal with it this year though, right? Archer was a walker. Yep. How like how did it he just like popped in and said goodbye and you didn't see him again to the end of school?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like he literally he popped his head in and he was like, All right, I'm out, like I'm going to school. And I was like, What? And he just abandoned me. Yeah. That's what happened.
SPEAKER_00What happened after school? Did he come here first or did he go next door? So how did that reunion go?
SPEAKER_01He was just like, Oh, I had a great day. He had brought home a note. I'm trying to think of what else he did. Oh, he was really excited about seeing his girlfriend.
SPEAKER_00I think they sit next to each other in class. I believe they do. Okay, because I was checking on the teachers and I poked my head in there and I saw him and he like perked up and I saw the little blonde next to him, and I was like, hey.
SPEAKER_01So I was laughing when we went to back to school night. So he got to pick a seat. Yeah. And you know, Miss Lemie was like, hey, just write your name down on like whichever desk you want to sit at. And he literally picked like the furthest away from Mrs. Lemieux. And I was like, Archer, you need to pick a different desk. And he was like, Well, I don't like to be in the front, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, your girlfriend is not going to sit in the desk. I was like, her mom is a teacher. She's not going to be part of those shenanigans. No, she will not. And she, like, I mean, that's like the one thing that I kind of like about Emma. I like I even have said, I'm like, maybe they'll make it. I don't know. She's a good role model. She is a great role model. She's gonna be like in the front, as close to Mrs. Lemieux as she can get. And it sounds like that's exactly what happened.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they are right up there next to the whiteboard.
unknownPerfect.
SPEAKER_01That's where they belong.
SPEAKER_00He's a talker anyway. So I imagine when you ask him questions, it's not just like, I'm fine, I don't know. He just kind of opens his mouth and it all falls out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. And sometimes you're like, Can you please use less words? Like, especially in the morning, he wants to talk to me like immediately as soon as I walk out the door. Hey, mom, how was your sleep? Let me tell you about my dream. Let me tell you what I've been doing all morning long while you were still asleep. And like, it's a lot. And I'm just like, Can I have my coffee? Like, please, like anything, just shh for just a second. Please, please, please, please. But he he's never, whatever the what is the the the word count or whatever? No, no, he uh far surpasses however many words of the average for a boy his age.
SPEAKER_00Draden is definitely king of as few words as possible. Draden's probably, I mean, Davi's probably in between Archer and Draden. Like he can talk a lot too, but gets to be in the mood. He does have to be in the mood, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because sometimes he he'll be really chatty with me, and sometimes it's like getting him to say yes or no is hard. Draden is definitely a man of few words. Young man of few words. I'm not ready to call him a man yet. He's still little. I mean, he's not, but he's taller than me, can body slam me and I'd die, probably. But like he but he he can be kind of chatty too if you get him on again if he wants. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Did I ever send you the videos from when he had his tooth extracted? Oh my god, like I've never heard him talk that much in my entire life. Those were he was like Archer that day. That was so funny.
SPEAKER_01Even I think he posted some of them on Twitter. He did, even so Ella like ran upstairs after Actually, we do have a running joke right now from Drayton's videos of when that uh we're big strong man or big big strong boy, because that's what he says in the video a big strong boy. And so that's um Ellen and I say that.
SPEAKER_00Thanks, Drayton. So funny. So, on a gut level, then how do you think the day went for Archer? And what are you thinking? How does that predict like the rest of the year? I think he had a great day. Good.
SPEAKER_01I I really do. I was a little concerned because back to school night, he was so focused on seeing Emma that he like completely ignored his teacher. So that made me a little bit worried. I was like, oh my god, like maybe this is the year that all of a sudden he stops left his school. But first day it seemed like it went really well. And even today, he was like, I get to go back to school tomorrow. And like, I'm I I can't remember what he's oh talk about the ducks. Yeah. Tell everybody about the ducks and how I don't know, they're gonna swim my pool or something. I don't remember exactly what he said. But he was talking about how he can't wait to tell everybody about his weekend and getting a duck and naming it Pluto.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it's so fun to see him there. Like, there's so many kids I saw on Wednesday that I know. And I've worked for public schools before, like before my previous job, but it was before I ever had kids. So I've never worked in a neighborhood school where I actually know the kids who are friends with my own kids.
SPEAKER_01Do they call you Miss Christina?
SPEAKER_00Well, one of them came up to me. I didn't know him, but he knew me as Davian's mom. And he came up to me at back to school night and he goes, So I heard that you're gonna be working at this school this year. And I was like, Yes, I am. And he goes, Well, I just need to know, like, what do I call you? Do I call you Miss Christina or do I call you Miss Munoz? And I was like, Well, probably for school-related things, like when we're here in the building, you should probably call me Miss Munoz. I was like, But if I see you out in the neighborhood or something another time, you're welcome to say Miss Christina. I was gonna ask because some of the teachers do some do. Yeah, it seems like more of like a kindergarten thing. You know, like some of the aides sometimes. Um, but yeah, like as a mom, I always I don't know, it felt too stiff and formal to be Miss Munoz to the the other kids. So it was always just Miss Christina or Davian's mom or whatever it was they would say. What do they call you? What are your kids' friends?
SPEAKER_01Most of my kids' friends call me mom. Oh, really? Yeah. Like I mean, all of Ella's friends call me mom. Yeah. Archer's I mean, because they're all still like young and they're young boys. So I'm pretty sure they all call me Archer's mom. Yeah. Um, and then that's always like comical because eventually, because whether it's they meet Sam first, meet me first, eventually they'll meet both of us. They go, Wait, but you have two moms, and we definitely know you have a dad too. Yes. So like it gets a little gets a little kind of like funny.
SPEAKER_00And he calls both of you mom, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And he does not ever differentiate. Like he just is like, oh my mom. And then he's like, oh, and this is my mom. And you're like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00He was doing when we first got to know him before we knew you, and he was coming to our house every once in a while. That kind of happened there because he was talking or whatever, and he was like, My mom. And I don't know. I knew that he wasn't talking about Sam at one point. I knew he was talking about you, but he used the word mom too. And uh I didn't know what the whole relationship was and everything. And I was like, What do you like? What? Who do you live with? And he was like, Well, I mean, I go back and forth between the two houses, but I have my mom Sam and I have my mom Kat. He explained the whole thing, and I was like, Oh, now I understand.
SPEAKER_01Well, so it is funny though, when he is talking, he doesn't know, he won't tell somebody. So unless you know Sam or I and like know our personality, it is confusing as to like who it is. But once you get to know us, because Sam and I are nothing alike. And so then you're like, oh, he's talking about Sam, or oh, you're talking about Kat. But if you don't know us, then we're one person. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I didn't know the whole like ex relationship either. I didn't know, I didn't know any of it. I didn't know any of the dynamics. I just know the two of you were always together, like you and Sam are always together, and there was a dad, but I didn't know anything else. So he did a great job of explaining it. And I was probably being too nosy at that point. Everybody can know. I mean, here we are telling the whole world. Is there anything you're already thinking about for this week? Everything good to go, or is there anything we want to everything's good to go?
SPEAKER_01So I do need to figure out if he's gonna want me to make him lunches. So we we did do we we did like the nutrition testing. Yeah. And so I have cut out dairy and chicken in the house because it's just not fair that everybody else gets to eat dairy and chicken and not me. It's very fun. Um and so I do need to find out like, does he want me to make him lunch? Because I'm gonna have to get creative with some of it because I have no cheese and I don't have like there's no you know, sliced chicken breasts or anything like that. You might have to go to Nutella to me. That is not a nutritious meal. I don't know why Nutella sandwiches are a thing. Like, here's the chocolate on bread.
SPEAKER_00It is hazelnut, though, just like peanut butter, but there's chocolate with it. It's chocolate on bread. It's chocolate hazelnut. Whoever decided Nutella was nutritious, it's crazy. It is big in Italy. Like the Italians eat it all the time. And you know those like Nutella breakfast sandwich things. It's not a sandwich, it's like a breakfast bar. Full of like sugar. But they do those two.
SPEAKER_01It's so much sugar. I just don't understand it.
SPEAKER_00I but it's like a I mean, even when they do breakfast, it's like a brioche and espresso. Like that's all they do for breakfast. And then they have these giant meals for lunch and dinner. So I don't know. It does seem it does seem like that.
SPEAKER_01I can't really have Italian food because it all requires peas and except Nutella. Except for Nutella. I get a croissant Nutella. I guess so, but I'm I don't like Nutella. Well, I I but I shouldn't say that. I do like Nutella.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But I but you could do, I mean, there's other meat sources too. Pork. Is that on your list?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I can do pork and beef and I honestly, chicken is the only one. Yeah, I can't see.
SPEAKER_00It seems like such a like neutral meat. You would think so. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01All the fish. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. I can't do lobster or mussels.
SPEAKER_00Can you still do crab legs?
SPEAKER_01I can do crab. Oh. And I can do shrimp and I can do all every fish under the sun. Yeah. Did Kyle have any seafood sensitivity? I don't think so. Okay. No. I mean, we went and had sushi and that was a good thing. I had a great time. And rice isn't on your list either. Nope. Rice is not on my list. I was very happy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I I ate a lot. Yeah, we all did. It was really good. I really liked that restaurant. Like I've been thinking about it ever since. I was like, we should go back. We should go back. Yeah. We should make a weekly double date night. Yes. And go see a movie. I would love to do that. Except we're doing the movie our way next time. You don't have to do it our way, but we're going to do it our way. We're going to make a pit stop beforehand.
SPEAKER_01Oh, Derwin complained.
SPEAKER_00No, I was feeling very carefree until I until he told me how much that white claw was. And I was like, I swear it's like it wasn't $18, but in my head, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01When it comes to like date night, because I'm like, it's fine. It's date night. There's a little budget on day night. And I'm glad that Derwin went with it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he did. He did because I think he didn't want to be an embarrassment to me. He had a great time. Yeah, but we have to be judicious. I went and got my nails done today, actually. And the lady at the front was like, I wasn't sure if that was you coming in because usually you do your nails and your toes at the same time. And I was like, Yeah, well, we bought a new car. And she was like, Oh, tell me about that. So I told her about the accident and everything. She's like, Oh, that sucks. I was like, Yeah, quit my job too and got a different job. And um, took a little bit of a pay cut for that. And she was like, Oh, so really what you're doing is you're being a little bit more frugal with your money. It's like, yes, that's exactly it.
SPEAKER_01Well, you'll you'll have to start doing what I do. I get my toes done every other time. That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I decided. And I just get colors that yeah, because they really don't grow out the same rate as my nails.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Yeah. And you just, you know, get colors that kind of match. Or you can do like white or black only on the phone.
SPEAKER_00And then it goes with everything. And soon it'll be winter and no one will see them anyway. Exactly. Like who cares? I'm not sure how our first day of school turned into date night and toenails, but I'd like to get back to that a little bit. Um, talk about Ella's first day a little bit because I know she has a different schooling experience right now.
SPEAKER_01So she's homeschooled, totally 100% online. Like, I don't have to do anything with it. It's an accredited, like private online school. And, you know, her first day is kind of boring because it's she just brings her laptop up. Like that's it. There's no, there's not like a live teacher or live class or anything like that that makes it, you know, more exciting. The most exciting thing about first day for her is that they get to find out like what other classes are coming out this year. Oh, okay. And so the one class that I was like super excited for her. I like couldn't wait to tell her about it. Was they're doing a like a it's a history class, but it's on conspiracy theories. Oh, neat. And I was like, that's really cool. She's so one-track mind about going back to regular school, yeah, that it's actually kind of upsetting me because I'm like, can we just can you just enjoy like the little bit of time you have left with me? And she's like, Oh, when I go back to school, I'm gonna do this. She was like, She needs to go back to school shopping. And I was like, for what? You're at home and you don't even get dressed half the time. You wear pajamas everywhere. Well, I will if I have new clothes. Yeah, and I was like, No, I'm not taking you back to school shopping for you to wear pajamas all day long. Of course, Kyle caved and bought her stuff when we went back to school shopping, but whatever.
SPEAKER_00But does she do, do they still have like electives like you would in a brick and mortar? So like like PE or art. How do you how does that work in a home school?
SPEAKER_01So well, PE is a that's the one thing that is up to me that and then you just enter or like track it or whatever and then but everything else is all tracked like by them. Yeah. And since it's accredited, I don't even have to worry about like an umbrella school or anything like that. I guess there are two. So the school that she uses is a Cellus. There's two programs, I guess, with them. I just found this out this year, which I because I I almost had a heart attack because I'm on like the forums, yeah, and somebody mentioned like I'm using a Cellus and like what umbrella, you know, school do I need to track um attendance and all the things. And I was like, oh my god, I've been using this school for over a year, yeah, and I've never used an umbrella, you know, school for it. And so then I kept reading, and so apparently a Cellus does have just their their curriculum versus like being in their classes. So that one requires like a an umbrella school, whatever it's called. I am not doing that. I was like, oh my god, I was like, the state's gonna come after me and they're gonna be Ellis not in school, it would have been horrible. But yeah, so she's she gets to pick. So I'm trying to remember the minimum, I want to say five. You have to be enrolled in at least five classes, I think is the minimum. And I think the maximum is eight. I've got her in seven, I believe. And just like the regular school, like we're talking about, they do the the career mapping. And so they tell you like these are all the different classes that she can take that would be kind of geared towards that. Yeah. And you pick it, you know, freshman year, just like just like over there. And so then as she finishes, I just add her to the next class. But all the elective, they have some really fun ones. Yeah. So the conspiracy theory one, obviously, but I think it does count as a social studies credit as well. They have several psychology classes, and that's what she wants to do. She wants to be a psychologist. So she's I I want to say she's gone all the way up to AP psychology now. Like it's all done. Yeah. She she has no more psychology classes to take. And then they even have a emotional and behavioral health course. She's taken that one as well. And then they had epic world events, which I thought was really cool. Yeah. She's taken sign language. Oh, that's has a lot to offer.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, maybe probably even more than a traditional school because it's virtual. They can maybe they're not limited to like a certain number of kids before they can offer the course. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Probably. I'm not sure exactly.
SPEAKER_00But it gives her options that she wouldn't necessarily have.
SPEAKER_01Well, and it's all like at your own pace. And let's just say, because I mean, like to me, I think about like high school, like math. I get frustrated with math. It's not like I can be like, okay, I'm just gonna move on to science and I'll come back to you. Yeah. You don't get to do that. Yeah. You've got to be in your math class for the amount of time that you have to be in your math class. And so for her, if she does get frustrated and she does need to like, I need to walk away from this and like come back to it, she can. Oh, that's right. Yeah. To me, that's more like the real world. Yeah. Because in the real world, it's not like they're like, you have this one task and you have to do this one task. And you can't move. I mean, I give I'm sure there are jobs out there that are like that, but for the most part, you could be like, okay, this task, like, I'm stuck and I need to move on for a little while and I'll come back to it. Yeah. And yeah, I don't know. I love, I wish she'd just stay in school. Yeah. I really do. I think it's better. I think it's better in a million different ways that she wants the social aspect. And I can't blame her for that.
SPEAKER_00I know. I mean, that's important at that age. Like that's when you're very social.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Sports and all of those things.
SPEAKER_00So I mean, I get it, but well, and I know like for younger kids, like elementary age kids who homeschool, there tends to be a lot of community groups that they can partner with for like community art and community. Oh, we have a ton of stuff. Is it the same though by the time they get to high school?
SPEAKER_01Or there are so like there's several homeschool groups that I'm a part of. We've never done any of their events, but I know that it is up to Ella's age. Yeah. All the way through. Like they do they do a prom. It's pretty small, but they do a prom, they do like a graduation ceremony. Like there's lots of things that they do if you're in Clarksville. Yeah. And I have to say, like, if I was, if I was a military parent and I'm having to move around, like it would be so cool to homeschool if you if you could. Yeah. Because you don't have to worry about like enrolling, unenrolling, any breaks, any like I'm moving from you know, Massachusetts, which probably has a really great curriculum, to Arizona, which has a really bad curriculum, or vice versa, and be ahead or whatever that looks like. But I mean, I don't know, homeschooling gives you so much flexibility. But I couldn't do it, I shouldn't say I couldn't do it because I did do it. I would never go back to it doing homeschooling in elementary school.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I think I think it's the behaviors and the social aspect because you're building all those skills, you need to really be around other kids. And so unless you have that already built into like your lifestyle, it's really hard. Yeah. And then I am so patient on so many things until until it comes to reading. Yeah. I cannot teach a child to read. And I don't know why. I'm a great reader. Yeah. I love to read. But there's like to me, it is literally, I'm like, why can't you just read?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you just know how at this point. I don't know how to teach it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And so yeah, I would have any parent that's ever asked me, like, oh, you've homeschooled before. Like, what do you suggest? I'm like, until they can read, don't do it. That's what I suggest. But once they read, I think it's great.
SPEAKER_00You should totally do it all the time. Good tip. Okay. Well, before we go today, I've got a little um bonus segment here called reading between the lines. Teachers are so good at saying things without really saying them. So I wanted to just play a game with it today. Okay. I'm gonna give you an actual line a teacher might say, and you have to translate it into what it really means. Maybe it's from personal experience, maybe not. Okay. You ready?
SPEAKER_01Am I about to feel attacked? I can feel it. I can feel it coming. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Your child has an entrepreneurial spirit. They're bossy. I was thinking too, they might be slinging like snacks at school. Like a dollar. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's what Draden would do.
SPEAKER_01Yes, like when they they had the lunch, the lunchroom mock thing. Oh my gosh. Or you could say your child has leadership skills.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01That's another one. It's the same thing. Your kid is bossy.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Okay, what about this one? Your child is a natural performer. They're dramatic.
SPEAKER_01Which FYI, Ella, got an award her kindergarten year for being the most dramatic.
SPEAKER_00Really? She did. The the image that pops to my mind in addition to Ella's dramatics is Arlene standing on the desk. Wasn't there a time? I think you've told that story before. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Actually, all of those lines have been used on my children. And and me. Yeah. So I do feel personally.
SPEAKER_00I can see this one. I could see this being used when you were a child, and even now. Your child has a very strong sense of self. Oh, okay. Well, that's rude. How would you translate that?
SPEAKER_01Um that I am very independent and very difficult to control.
SPEAKER_00Which again, in the right career field, is an asset. I'm really great at my job. Yeah. Yes, you are. Yeah. And people who are lawyers and judges and teachers all need to have those kinds of sense of, you know, strong sense of self.
unknownIt's amazing.
SPEAKER_01Your child is a wonderful helper. To me, I was like, calling out your kid for being like a kiss ass. I was like, do teachers call kids out for being kiss asses? And Archer has gotten that feedback, how helpful he is. So helpful. And I was like, wow. And we have been like told that he's a kiss ass. I mean, he loves his teachers. Even the teachers that I haven't liked, like he has liked.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And he is a good helper though. And sometimes I think teachers say it because like it's not typical to have a child his age be as helpful as he is. And so it stands out, you know, because he's so helpful. Yeah. Loves, loves, loves it. But he is also a kiss ass. How about this one? Your child has developed quite the fan base among his classmates. Like the class class.
SPEAKER_01Like, I mean, Mr. Popularity or Mrs. Popularity. Like everybody is looking to them and making, I don't know, they're making them laugh, and they're probably not the teacher's favorite person.
SPEAKER_00Or maybe, but they have to turn their head and not laugh.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_00So fun fact when I first started teaching, I used to have this little paperback book that had all sorts of comments in it that you could use when you were communicating with parents. Um, and it was like they were organized by topics. So if you needed to talk to a parent about a child's behavior, there were specially crafted ways that you could say it so that it didn't come off in a negative way. If you needed to that, like there were phrases in there for content subjects, ELA, science, math, specific comments for those content areas, like for report cards or whatever. And so you could like, even if you wanted to reinforce positive behavior, like all sorts of things were in this little book. And now I think, like now we have AI when we're crafting messages to parents, like you really do want to be careful what you say. You don't ever want to escalate a situation. You don't ever want to say something in a way that could be negatively perceived by a parent. So you do need to be careful in in the way you communicate with parents. But I was just thinking back on that and how funny I thought that was when I when I first started teaching. I don't I don't know. No, I don't think I do. I must have like thrown it away at some point. But I mean, I mean, I've written hundreds of thousands of messages to parents at this point.
SPEAKER_01I'm so good at it.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, it kind of comes naturally now. But but when I first started teaching, like I would use it all the time, like especially on report cards and like getting ready for parent conferences. Like, how what am I gonna say? Even even sensitive things, like if a student was struggling with mathematical concepts or something, like different ways you could say or different skills you could comment about, so that parents walked away with an idea of like how they might be able to help at home or something.
SPEAKER_01That's kind of cool.
SPEAKER_00Um, you know, and when you're new, you just get nervous sometimes and might not have to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01Someday you'll have to ask me how I feel about homework and oh I am actually at home.
SPEAKER_00I'm actually against homework. There's a lot of research against homework too.
SPEAKER_01I think I I told one of Archer's teachers, I'm trying to remember if it was last year or the year before. It couldn't have been last year because I would I don't know if I would have it had to be the year before, but I I think they had said something like, Oh, we have optional homework. And I was like, I'm an optional. I was like, we will not do homework. Yeah. And Sam was like, What? And I was like, No, we don't do homework. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so she sometimes she will. Yeah. Sam will, but well, and sometimes different school districts have different expectations that go against what my personal beliefs as an educator might be. So like I have worked in school districts before that said, like, you must assign 10 minutes of homework per grade, they are in school. So if it was first grade, that's 10 minutes. If it was second grade, 20 minutes, third grade, 30 minutes. But way back when Draden was born, I loved his pediatrician. She was amazing. And uh, she was talking to us about the uh the evidence of homework and like different things that worked. And the only thing that is statistically relevant in a child's success now and beyond is reading, reading a book. Yeah. And so, like that 100%. And I also have grown a lot in now that I'm a parent, I wasn't a parent when I first started teaching. So now that I'm a parent too, like to ask parents to take charge of some of the education in the form of homework, not every parent is cut out for that. And and they spend eight hours a day with us. And it really is our job to be the educators in the school. Now, if there are ways that you want to enrich at home, maybe you know, I think that's yeah, great. But it's a lot of responsibility to put on a parent to ask them to continue educating at home.
SPEAKER_01Like Frank, I mean, I know I remember Arlen specifically had brought home work like in third grade. And I just looked at it because again, I don't I don't do homework, I don't think I don't believe in it. I think that it's I don't know. I don't even know how to like necessarily put it into words as you slice like.
SPEAKER_00Like part of it is you look at your slice of time that you have by the time they get home. If you're using that little slice of time for homework, you don't have and to just like be together.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then if you're doing sports and dinner and all that stuff, like it really is it's crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But I remember looking at Arlen's math, and I want to say it was third grade, and I was like lost. I mean, like the and it's not that like I don't know how to do math at more than a third grade level. I do. It's just like the way the the concepts are taught now versus how it was taught, and they're still expected to show work and all those things. And I was like, I can tell you the answer, yeah, but I have no idea how to show the work the way you are supposed to because I didn't learn math that way.
SPEAKER_00And so it's the same way you were talking about with reading, too. Like when they're when they're younger and they don't understand how numbers and words and letters work together to make patterns and sounds and things like that, their brain needs to see it very explicitly. They need to see it broken up and put together and see how words and letters can be combined to make new things and and numbers the same way, how you can break them apart and put them back together. And there's a science to all of that. Well, that's day one for us. We have a whole full week coming up this week with the kids, and I'm looking forward to that. You know, I think that one of the things that's difficult sometimes, and uh, I know that Archer kind of explored that with you on Wednesday, is watching them walk forward and not having to look back anymore, or maybe wanting to look back and not letting themselves. That's a big deal. And that's the whole thing about this age of our kids is that they're figuring out how to be brave, and we're figuring out how to let them be brave. Well, as tough as it is, we're gonna get through this. We'll be back in the future to talk through more as the year goes on. But we want to thank you for sitting with us today.