Becoming Burnham
A blended family, big feelings, mental health days, and grief that shows up uninvited. Becoming Burnham is messy, honest, healing, and very us.
Becoming Burnham
31 - Perimenopause and White Claws
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What happens when the ground beneath you begins to shift? In episode 31 of Becoming Burnham, we explore the quiet onset of perimenopause, focusing on the unexplained physical changes and the realization that we were never taught how to navigate this transition.
Alongside the physical evolution, we look at the social one: the unique heartache of maintaining adult friendships when you barely recognize the season of life you're in. This is a conversation about awakening to yourself and refusing to dismiss your reality as merely "stress."
Welcome back to Becoming Burnham. Today we're finally doing the one we've been putting off for a while. We're talking about perimenopause. And if you're in your 30s or 40s and you just felt yourself check out because you think this is a someday problem, stay with me because it is very much not. No. This can start way earlier than anyone tells you, and you just think you're tired or stressed or losing it a little for no reason. Turns out there's there's an actual reason behind all of that. So Kat and I are gonna talk about that today. The symptoms that show up out of nowhere, what's actually helped, what hasn't, and why our moms and grandmothers never said a word about any of this. So if you hear a symptom today and think, wait, that's actually a thing, yeah, you're gonna hear a lot of that. So let's start at the beginning. Okay. When did you first realize something in your body was actually shifting? Not just a rough week, not just a hard year, but this was like something that was not going away.
SPEAKER_02I would have to say, so there, I definitely have had symptoms for a lot longer than I realized I was actually having I was in paramenopause. But I think the final straw for me was I started getting night sweats.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02And I've I am cold at night. Like I have a heater on my bed for me, and I can't use it anymore because I get that night. To the point where I'm turning my AC down to like 65 at night, secretly because Kyle would yell at me.
SPEAKER_01That's literally the same thing that finally made me start looking a little further. And and it wasn't even when they started. They had happened for a while before I started putting, you know, like connecting all the dots. And I think after I had Davian later on in life, um, I don't know what they call that geriatric pregnancy or high-risk pregnancy, whatever. So I thought it was still just like kind of coming off having a baby. And you know, I know I was like irritated all the time, but it it was a nice sweats for me too. And it was like, I mean, the whole bed would be wet sometimes, like that much sweat.
SPEAKER_02So mine do I don't, I don't, it's not so much that I sweat, like it's just that I'm I'm so hot. Oh, I was burning up sweating. So sometimes I do sweat. Yeah, and but like I'm I sweat in very like specific areas. So like my mahooha sweats, which is so weird.
SPEAKER_01Like you got glands.
SPEAKER_02Okay, well, I mean, yeah, I know that now. Yeah, like it's that's where Lumi came from. Oh, that makes sense. Okay, yes. But with me, it was just the fact that I was hot, like just hot.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I will, I was gonna say, I figured out way quicker that I was in paramenopause because of you. Oh, because I was you were telling me about you.
SPEAKER_01I had already gone down the rabbit hole by then. Yes.
SPEAKER_02And so as soon as I started, I was like, oh, right. I know what this is. Paramenopause. It's a thing.
SPEAKER_01And I used to think the sweat thing, like before I ever entered this stage of life, was something that would happen like out in the open, like when you're at work and all of a sudden you get hot and you're like fanning yourself. Like that's what they make it look like in the movies. But that did not happen to me when I was pregnant. That happened. You know, I would get really hot like that. But I have never, even to this day, of course, now I'm on HRT, so I don't know. But before I got on it, I wouldn't have just a wave of heat overcome me during the day. It was only at night that I was having that.
SPEAKER_02I do get it in the daytime. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Where I just get like really, really, really hot. Yeah. And I don't really know why. But it passes by. Is anybody else hot? Like, like that's how I feel. I'm like, do I need to turn the AC on? Like, do you get hot in here all of a sudden? And Kyle's like, no, like it's fine. Yeah. And he gets hot. Like through our entire marriage. He is way like hot, hotter running than me. Yeah. And now he's he tells me often that the house is too cold. Like, how? Like, you you have a sweater on when you're naked. Come on now. It's not fair.
SPEAKER_01Had you ever heard the term perimonopause? Like, did you think it was something that it wasn't, or did you even know it was a thing?
SPEAKER_02I didn't know it was a thing.
SPEAKER_01I didn't either. Yeah. Not at all.
SPEAKER_02No. I don't think that anybody, I mean, I don't recall it ever being discussed ever, ever, until I don't know, maybe the last five to ten years, maybe.
SPEAKER_01I would agree. I think that's when some of the research picked back up on it too.
SPEAKER_02Probably.
SPEAKER_01Because there just wasn't there wasn't any goodies on women.
SPEAKER_02No. Yeah. I mean, I would say that's true in almost every area of being a woman.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. There's not enough stuff.
SPEAKER_02Agreed done.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I know for me, I don't remember exactly how I came across her page, but there's a a doctor who specializes in perimenopause and menopause, Dr. Mary Claire Haver. And so it was when I first started following her and seeing her clips on TikTok and stuff. That's where I was like, wait, hold on. Frozen shoulder is a symptom. And night sweats and itchy ear, all these weird symptoms that she was talking about. The itchy ear thing is so annoying.
SPEAKER_02Yes. I cannot count the number of times a day that I wake up and I'm just like, I want to like rip my out of my head.
SPEAKER_01It's like so deep. It's so in the in the not even the canal, but just like in the cartilage or something.
SPEAKER_02So that is definitely the first symptom that I ever had was itchy ears. I just assumed that it was allergies because I do get like fluid buildup from allergies because I guess your sinus is everything's active, whatever, and mine don't drain very well. Yeah. And so I've always had kind of that fluid. And so that kind of itches. And so like I just I associated, I associated it with that. Yeah. And I was like, oh, it's just my allergies. Like, let me just double up on my Benadryl. It's probably just knocking myself out. And that's how I squeak through it. Because yeah, I've had itchy ears for a long time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But it's just like with the the sweats. So you're like, oh my gosh, it's just it must be the stove. I just turned the stove on. Or you just kind of explain these symptoms away because they're not like so wild and outlandish. But the thing that's different is they don't stop. Like it just keeps going on and on. And eventually that's when you're like, what is going on?
SPEAKER_02Can you imagine going to the doctor and being like, hey, I randomly have you'd never mention that.
SPEAKER_01No, but for me, what happened is I was going to the doctor because there was the weight gain, didn't pick up on that. There was the night sweats, didn't pick up on that. Then it was like the blood pressure and the cholesterol. And so like every time I would go to the doctor, they would just layer another medicine on it and nobody was connecting the dots. But when I came across Dr. Mary Clay Haver and I saw some of the obscure symptoms that nobody really thinks about, I was like, check, check, check. I mean, there were probably 15, 20 symptoms on our list that I was like, I think that's what's wrong with me.
SPEAKER_02I don't know if I've actually I'll have to go back. I feel like I did look at her page. Okay, here's here's some of them. Okay.
SPEAKER_01So we've already talked about frozen shoulder was one for me. I have that too. Dry skin. That's a big one. Yeah. So the facial care needs change when you get to be in your 40s. You need a lot more moisture.
SPEAKER_02That part I did pick up on because remember I went to the doctor. I did go to the doctor for that one because I started breaking out. And I'm like, I have not had a pimple in 25 years. 25 years. And all of a sudden I have many. Yeah. All the time. Yeah, what is it?
SPEAKER_01I was probably overworking trying to like add you know oil to your face. Heart palpitations. There's another one I went to the doctor for, and they like ran a scan and did all the like, I don't know, I don't know if it was a ultrasound, some kind of thing where they were able to see my heart moving.
SPEAKER_02What's that called? The EKG?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think they did one of those too. And they gave me like some kind of medicine just to bring the blood pressure down. But heart palpitations is another sign of perimenopause. Okay. When your estrogen drops, some of those bodily functions just wig out a little bit with the drop in hormones. Itchy ears, we said, fatigue. That's an easy one to write off. Oh, yeah. Because by the time you're in your 30s, 40s, your kids are busy, you're driving them all over the place. You're just tired. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Anyway. We're working, we're expected to be a mom and a wife and whatever else you do in your life, all the things. So of course you're tired.
SPEAKER_01Digestive issues, also easy to write off. You're like, oh, it must have been the Taco Bell.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Brain fog. That was another one I didn't pick up on. But I lose my words a lot. No.
SPEAKER_02No, this one did get mixed up in like the grief, because grief does the same thing. Yes. And so I just thought that I was still like in. I mean, I am still in grief, but I thought that it was just, oh, it's my depression and my grief talking. And that's why I can't remember super simple words. Yes. The other day. Or or I make up words. Where I'm like, I can remember like a part of a word. And then I'm like, and then I change my mind. I'm like, okay, I can't remember the entire word. And so then I'll think of like a different word, and I can only remember a part of that one. And then I just put them together. So what did I what did I say the other day? We were going shopping. Oh, I was prowsing. Like perusing and browsing. And browsing. I was prowsing. And so the rest of the time we were at the ball, we were Kyle was just like, Are you gonna prowse through the store?
SPEAKER_01I think that's a great word, actually. I think it is too, but yeah, prowse. I know what I'm trying to say, and I say a different word. So like maybe I say spaghetti instead of lasagna or something like that. And I say it as normal, and people are looking at me like, um, that's not that's not spaghetti, that's lasagna, or whichever way I was doing it. I'm like, yeah, sometimes it just kind of comes out weird, too.
SPEAKER_02I call the ducks chickens all the time. Yeah, all the time, but you know what they are. I know what I'm talking about, and you should too. I don't have chickens, so they I must be talking about the ducks. Yes. I Guillermo, because I kept saying a chicken duck, and he was like, What? Are you getting chickens? I thought you were talking, I thought we were building this for the ducks, and I was like, wait, what did I say? He keeps saying chickens.
SPEAKER_01I don't think I had this one. Some people, I'm sure, do tingling or shock-like feelings in the arms, hands, like your feet. Do you?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's really bad.
SPEAKER_01Another obscure one.
SPEAKER_02It's horrible too, because it will it it'll wake me up. Oh, really? Yeah, from like a deep sleep. Like it almost the same feeling as like a muscle cramp. No, like when you're like almost like your your foot falls asleep. Yeah, yeah. It'll feel like that. And so I have to like stretch out my arm and like move my hand. It's almost like a blood circulation issue or something. But yeah, it'll wake me up.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that sounds terrible. Hair loss. Yep. Burning sensation in the mouth. I haven't had that one. I haven't had that. Taste changes. Definitely. Yeah. I did have that, and I just now thinking about it, I'm like, I don't think I ever connected that to perimenopause. I think I thought it was more like age. Just, I don't know, like you just start to like things that you didn't like when you were younger. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I would say the same thing. I didn't realize that that was a perimenopause.
SPEAKER_01And then you mentioned this one already with the sweat, but the body odor too, and that literally is why the the inventor of Lumi deodorant created it. It was she was also in this perimenopause journey, and so she was trying to develop something that would counteract the sweat and the body odor odor in a way like it's not really safe to use regular deodorant in like your groin area or whatever. And so, yeah, that was something that came out of out of her own.
SPEAKER_03Have you ever tried creamy?
SPEAKER_01I have. I have mixed feelings about it. Okay, I don't mind the unscented ones so much. Um, but some of it, like I don't like the cream tube eater. I'd rather have like a stick of deodorant. Okay. I'm just in general really sensitive to smells and fragrances anyway. And some of them just smell kind of funny to me. Okay. So I don't know. It's uh it's okay. I I wouldn't, I don't love it for like my armpits or anything.
SPEAKER_02Do you have on there a symptom? I was just reading about the smelling people smell, I want to say like burning, like cigarette smoke, or like something similar to that. And they're saying that it's a parametapolic symptom. So like smell, like your your your smell gets messed up. Yeah. Or you'll smell something that's and that one I have. Really? Yes, yes. And at first I I chucked it because I'm a smoker. Yeah. I mean, I'm not a heavy smoker, like most people don't even realize that I'm a smoker. Yeah. But it was like smelling cigarette smoke at like weird times. Yes. And I'd be like, oh well, it must have been because I had a cigarette, you know, eight hours ago. Yeah. And maybe it was in your hair. Yeah. Like I was like, and I just like brushed it off, and then I came across this article, and it was about like the smell of something burning or like a cigarette smell or something like that, and it's from Parametopause. I was like, what? That's crazy. Yeah. But that's the only thing I can think of. Yeah. And I do smell, I'm very sensitive to smells as well. Not so much fragrance, but anything in the house. Yeah. If it if it goes bad or something. I can smell and I'll like I have to like hunt it down. Yeah. I'm like, where is the smell coming from? Because I can't get it out of like my nose. Like a like, which how like smells don't get stuck. But they're stuck in my nose.
SPEAKER_01I can't get them out. Draden and Derwin eat kimchi. And I swear to God, I can smell that from upstairs.
SPEAKER_02Parmesan cheese. Oh really? It bothers you. Oh god, it's so gross. You don't ever put it on your pasta? No. No, absolutely not. So if it's melted inside of like a sauce, so like I can do like Alfredo is with Parmesan if you make it homemade. And I can do that.
SPEAKER_01That's so funny. I've never met anyone with an aversion to Parmesan T.
SPEAKER_02No, I can't. But that one actually started when I was pregnant with Ella. Yeah. And I've never been able to get over it.
SPEAKER_01Was it fine before? I don't remember. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I don't remember not.
SPEAKER_01Not. Like you guys never bought the green container. You did, and it wasn't a problem then.
SPEAKER_02No, not at all. And so I just remember like being pregnant, and the first time that Dan used the parmesan cheese on pizza, and as soon as I was and after that, I think he I think he thought it was funny that he could like get me to throw up from and so I swear he ate Parmesan cheese on everything. And I was like, I hate this.
SPEAKER_01And I can't, wasn't it?
SPEAKER_02Right?
unknownGod.
SPEAKER_02Tell tell me that you ignored a red flag.
SPEAKER_01It's fine. Well, I guess the other thing, I mean, that's I didn't even go through the whole list. That's just part of the list. There's like 50 some odd symptoms out there right now that have been discovered as being connected to perigenopause. So I just don't understand how for generations and generations nobody talked about it. Nobody knew, nobody realized, nobody was doing studies on it until just recently. Like that's just wild to me. I mean, think about it though.
SPEAKER_02How, I mean, we've seen this in movies. I'm trying to remember what the movie is called, but it'll come to me. But I mean, like, women, when when women were going through menopause, like I'm sure it was obviously like a long time ago. Some of them were put in men's mental institutions because they were like, oh, like busy. Yeah, or heavily medicated. You're right. And they nobody was trying to figure out why this was happening a lot. My life, yeah, my life too. Oh, my life too. How? And they're all about the same age. But I mean, like, was what was that? Like the was Yahya sisterhood. Yeah. Didn't they talk? They talked about it then. Yeah. The mom was super medicated. When she was, you know, in her, she had have been like what 30, 40s, yeah. It's probably paramenopause is what she was going through. But like that's how it was viewed is that we were crazy.
SPEAKER_01And even like they, it wasn't even the buildup to menopause. It was just like, I guess, I guess you're right. Must have thought that that stage was like the crazy part, and then they were in menopause, you know, and like like everybody talks about menopause and thinks a lot of these things are associated with menopause, and they weren't. There's a whole buildup. I mean, once you hit the menopause stage, like you've gotten to the other side of a lot of this, right?
SPEAKER_02Well, so I my guess is why menopause was talked about is because menopause was when like we're no longer able to give children. Yeah. So it's a very clear definition of okay.
SPEAKER_01And symptoms. You are no longer ovulating, you're no longer yeah. And I mean, women lose their purpose. Is that what you're gonna say?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, according to some men, uh-huh. Or at least back in the day. Yeah. I like to think that men have evolved much further than that in recent years.
SPEAKER_01I think I think they have. At least the ones I know, anyway. Me too. So I know that you and I talk about it now. I can't remember what happened. You must have just been describing a symptom, and I was like, did you know that's a symptom of perimenopause? I find myself inserting it into conversation more lately than I ever did in the very beginning. Um does have another one, that's the first one she started with. And then do you do that now too, or is it mostly just us that talked about it? I mean, we talked about it, I think I talk about it more with you than anybody else, for sure.
SPEAKER_02But yes, because I will kind of kind of what you did. So I was telling you about my shoulder because I had gone to the doctor and I had I was I went for my shoulder, and I ended up really talking to him about my depression and things that were going on. And so he had put me on an antidepressant, which was great. And then I walked out of the doctor's office and was like, wait a second, I forgot to talk to him about my shoulder. Or like he never came back to it. And I had sent him a message, and you know, he was like, Oh, next time you're in, we'll talk about your shoulder. And so I was telling you this. Oh, yeah. And you were like, Oh, that's perimenopause.
SPEAKER_01Do you know? Like frozen shoulder.
SPEAKER_02And I was like, wait, what? That's not a thing.
SPEAKER_01I had it too, but now I don't. How'd you get rid of it? HRT.
SPEAKER_02I'm not sure you're always telling me about HRT.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yeah. So like, so there's nothing out there that like like treats perimenopause necessarily. They focus on the symptoms. So like sometimes people go into their doctor and they're like, let's run a bunch of labs, but because you're in such a fluctuation during this time, sometimes you do labs and they're normal, and sometimes you do labs and they're not normal. And it's just really hard for them to pinpoint or to develop a treatment plan based on what your numbers on your labs are showing. But the symptoms tell an entirely different story. And so when you add in the progesterone and the estradiol, and some people add in uh testosterone too, you know those treatments are working when the symptoms go away. I'm not having those night sweats anymore at all. Every once in a while I'll get them, and I think it's because I'm close to when I need to trade out my patch. The brain fog, I guess, is still there a little bit too, but the frozen shoulder completely gone. And so they they base the modifications to the medication too on whether or not you're still getting those breakthrough symptoms. So that's what's gonna tell them if they need to up your dose or or not, or just kind of keep it still. Stay talking to my doctor about it then. Yeah, but but not all doctors are well versed in it either. You would think this would be common. I feel like he would be. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02He is really my doctor is very good. Well, your doctor is premiere? I do.
SPEAKER_01Okay, because there's a girl I work with, and she also has gone down this rabbit hole. And she and I get just as excited as you and I do when we start talking about perimenopause. She has a doctor at Premiere, and I don't remember his name, we'll have to pair notes later, but uh, she said that he has started like his own study about perimenopause, and he's obsessed with it. And that's what I was just looking up a second ago was Dr. Mary Claire Haver that I was talking about. She has a book called The New Perimenopause. And so my friend Melissa was like, you have to read that book. It's so good, it tells you all this stuff. So she went into this doctor, a premiere, with that book. And the doctor was like, My girl, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, like knew all about her and everything. So maybe it is the same doctor. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I don't, I don't see. So is he young? He is he's young. I mean, he's my age, I think. So so it's funny. So I'm married to Kyle Burnham. My doctor's name is Kyle Burner. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't think that's the same one. Yeah. Okay. And I I've been seeing him now for what, three years? And I could never imagine him saying, My girl, like there's no way. So definitely not the same guy. I think this is a younger, a younger guy that she sees. As soon as you said that's no, that's not a good one. No, no, immediately not. Dr. Burner, definitely not. And not that he's not.
SPEAKER_01But knowing about it, I mean, that's a big thing. And being willing to, you know, explore options for women is is also a big thing.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, so Dr. Burner, he was the one who was like super on board with us doing like the genetic testing for the medication, the food sensitivity list. Like, he's all about like, hey, like this is, you know, like, sure, it's not gonna tell you everything. Yeah, but if you can at least zero in. Yeah, and he was he was all about it. Yeah. And but then like the psychiatrist was not, he was like, well, you know, those tests, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, just give me the medication that's on the test that says that it's fine for me. Yeah. And he's like oh okay.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it's there's so many out there. Why not choose one that seems to be better suited? Yeah. Makes no sense. What does it feel like going through this stage of life with a friend who's in it at the same time versus one who isn't there yet?
SPEAKER_02It's really nice. It is really nice. Cause I mean like think about like even, you know, when you're getting married or having children, you tend to have or well, maybe not tend to have, but like you gravitate towards somebody who's going through that that same life, you know, cycle. And if you have somebody in your life that maybe was really close and maybe they're not having a baby or they're not married or something like that. And I I would say marriage and babies that happens for people around the same age for everybody. But I remember going through my divorce. Yeah. And most people my age were still happily married. And you know, a lot of them have gotten divorced since then. Yeah. But I mean, when I was going through my first divorce, I felt very, very alone.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And so having body like to bounce ideas off of for one, or like your ears itch too. Yes. Comparing notes. Yeah. Like, okay, I've tried this, or you've tried something. We've both tried different things to see what's actually working. You're obviously doing a much better job than I am. Um, because I've got to be a good one.
SPEAKER_01But when I was your age, I don't even know that I was tracking any of this yet. That's true. You know?
SPEAKER_02So that is true.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So wait, what does HRT stand for again?
SPEAKER_01Um, hormone replacement therapy. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Okay. Because I didn't I'm just trying to remember. I can't remember how old I was. Well, I guess I was in my early 40s when we moved here, but I had not yet, like I was having the night sweats before we ever moved here. Hadn't connected the dots. It was a good year two to three years. I can't remember even in it wasn't before the tornado. So it was after the tornado. I mean, this has only been within the last couple years that I've connected the dots. Yeah. And it was like the the thing, I guess the straw that broke the camel's back was when I went back to the doctor and we had layered on like the fourth or fifth medication for like like everything was being treated like its own separate issue. Yeah, I'm not on any of those medications. I'm not on the heart medication anymore. I'm not on the cholesterol medication anymore. None of that.
SPEAKER_02See, and I think my symptoms probably weren't being taken like super seriously. So when it comes to like my lab work, I'm really healthy. Yeah. Like all like everything is working great.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And so I shouldn't, well, I mean, and that's like the weight gain issue until it's not. Because like all of a sudden, Dr. Berner, for an instance, he's like, you shouldn't be gaining weight like this. Like, there's no reason for it because there is. It's a drop in hormones. Yes. Yes. But like when he looks at my labs, he's like, Correct. You're so healthy. There's no reason you should, you know.
SPEAKER_01But yeah. And I think that's the issue. That's what doctors tend to do. It's like, or you'll leave and they're like, well, you just need to exercise and eat better, and exercise and eat better. But like, I wasn't, I wasn't not eating all that well, you know. And I was going to the gym at that point and wasn't, it wasn't even putting a dent into it.
SPEAKER_02I started exercising and I've gained 10 pounds.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And that's another thing that Dr. Mary Claire Haver talks about too is the kind of exercise and physical physical activity you need as a woman going through perimenopause is very different than what you needed when you were a 20-year-old or a 30-year-old. Oh, I used to she really encourages women to do like weighted vests and walking and you know different things. You can find all of that if you like look her up. I haven't read the book yet, so I don't know if she talks about it in the book, but it's in my cart to purchase. Yeah. And then she also talks about like high protein, you know, making sure you're getting your protein in, and she adds in different supplements and stuff. So yeah, there's just vitamin D is another thing you lose when you get go through paramedia.
SPEAKER_02Well, you do realize that as a nation, already vitamin D is a huge issue for us because if you go to other countries, I mean, you know this, you've lived overseas. Yeah, like 50 is like the bottom. Yeah. And that's for us, they're like 50 is like the top.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's like, no, it really shouldn't be. Do you know how much happier we would be as people if our vitamin D was where it's supposed to be? Just that alone would change the world.
SPEAKER_01High fish content, high, you know, lots of good healthy fats that they're getting into their diet. And then you look at the American diet. Yeah, we're like not doing so hot.
SPEAKER_02Although I can't have chicken now, so you can, you're just sensitive to it.
SPEAKER_01I'm sensitive to it. Yes.
SPEAKER_02But you know different since you cut it out?
SPEAKER_01Really? Yes. So like what do you what what has changed?
SPEAKER_02So before I would feel like not I somewhere between full and bloated, because I don't want to call it bloated because I didn't always feel like there wasn't like sickness to it, but just like that really full feeling for longer than I should have it. After eating it. Yeah. So like we're talking hours.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And so it's clearly wasn't digesting well or slowly, or however you want to put them. And so I've noticed since I've cut the chicken and the dairy out, I actually like am moving through things. And I'm not saying like I'm going to the bathroom, but like I literally am like I'll eat a meal and I don't feel like that uncomfortable feeling of being really, really full. And then like four or five hours later, like when you should be eating another meal, I'm like, oh, I feel like I could put more food in my stomach. Whereas before I didn't feel like I could. And so I would only eat maybe one meal and like a snack for the entire day because I wasn't hungry.
SPEAKER_01So then you weren't even getting the nutrients, probably. No.
SPEAKER_02And that also affects your metabolism really bad too. So I will probably continue to keep dairy and the chicken out as long as I can. I have so we've we have cheated a few times. We had like Buffalo Chicken Dip on Friday. And oh, that's gonna have both in it. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And so I was very like, I I limited how much I had, whereas like Kyle did not. Yeah. And he felt like shit the next day. Really? He has the same sensitivities as I do. In fact, his chicken sensitivity is not as high as mine. And he felt like crap.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And like me, I was like, eh, a little bit. I'm like, I felt fine. Yeah. Like totally felt fine. So it seems as long as I'm not like going overboard. Yeah. And I I mean, I did eat a ton of chicken and cheese before. Yeah. Like those were like the main staples in our home.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So just taking out those two things is making a huge difference.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's good. Yeah. Well, we talked a little bit too about things that have made a difference. So I know I mentioned HRT definitely has made a difference for me. Also, skin products and makeup. Like I've really been focusing on the hydration step, like milky toners and like oil face oils and things like that. You had a new regimen recently too.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so I'm doing the like Korean Korean skincare. So I have like a tea, it's a tea tree oil cleanser. And then um, but I think like the the one thing that's changed my skin is the toner pads that I use from her exfoliation, that's another big part. Phytoenzyme pads, I think is what it's called. And I've recommended them to anybody who wants to know because they are phenomenal. And they were recommended to me. Yes. Like a friend of one of the other wrestling moms. I was like, God, your face is just glowing. Like, what's going on? And she she recommended them to me and I love them. And then the cream is the bean cream.
SPEAKER_01Is it like just really thick and creamy?
SPEAKER_02I have no idea. Is it jelly? Like, no, it's it's it's thick and creamy for sure. I'm trying a new one right now and I don't like it as much. The the the bean cream, it sounds so weird. That one is like what gives like when you know the days that you're like, oh you like your face is glowing. Yeah. That's the days that I use it.
SPEAKER_01Really? Well, I know with the pads too. Erica Taylor is another like influencer that I follow. I see her a lot on TikTok. She really promotes skincare and makeup after 40. So, like how to you know bring out your best. And she's another big advocate for those like some kind of toner exfoliator pad, because with the dry skin, your skin doesn't turn over the way it's supposed to either. So that's how you, you know, when you're younger, you can just like go to bed and not wash your face and all those kinds of crazy things, and your skin is fine, it will continue to exfoliate. But once you have that drop in estrogen, your skin is not turning over the way it used to.
SPEAKER_02Very.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, it does make a big difference.
SPEAKER_02I will say I did I stopped wearing makeup though barely after Arlen passed away. Like I don't wear face makeup at all.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you have beautiful skin. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02But I I do I think that it has to do with the fact that I don't wear makeup. It did not look beautiful when I first started, but I didn't care because I wanted to be dead. So, you know, hey, it's fine. But like the not wearing makeup makes a huge difference. Yeah, huge, huge difference. But I have noticed, and I wonder if it I wonder if it does have to do with like paramenopause because it's only been the last I would honestly last six months. I've started to be really sensitive to mascaras.
SPEAKER_01It could.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, I can't, I can't quite pinpoint it. So I mean I found one that works. It's like a hyperallergenic one, yeah, but it's the only one I can use, or my eyes will be like burning. Like it, it's like like I'm getting smoke in my eyes.
SPEAKER_01Well, I mean because dry eyes is one of the things that comes with dry skin. So that makes sense then. It does make sense. Do you have uh what are your thoughts on HRT? Like, are you planning to explore that option with your doctor? Do you not want to?
SPEAKER_02So I did do I did do a little bit of it a couple years ago. So it was about it, I want to say it was about a year after Arlen had passed away. It I just wasn't like getting any results with anything. You know, I just I was I was fat, which made no sense because I wasn't eating.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I'm like, this this is terrible. Like, how how do you, I don't know, have something like that happen? Like you lose your kid, you lose your house, all of your belongings, all of your memories, and then your fat on top of it. Like that's me. It's terrible. It's like the worst. And so I I was like, I'm desperate. I need to do something. And so I did finally get my hormones checked. Yeah. And I was, I did have some estrogen issues happening. So I was on progesterone. Yeah. And I had a weird reaction to the pill the first time. It was I wasn't sleeping.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It was like it would help me fall asleep really, really fast. And then I'd wake up like two or three hours later and I'd be awake all night long. Like ready to go. Like I only needed two hours of sleep, which is not true. You need a lot more than that. Um, and so then I was on an they changed it to an extended release, and that helped, sure. But my estrogen levels, like they kind of like leveled out, and so they were like, Oh, I think you're okay. And I like haven't gone back to it.
SPEAKER_01And you never paired it with estradiol, like the patch too at the same time? No. Look into that too, because I I'm under the impression, and I don't know if that came from Dr. Mary Claire Haver or somewhere else, maybe it was my own doctor, that they needed to be taken together for optimal results. So maybe that's part of it.
SPEAKER_02And I will like in their defense, like they may have told me to do more things or you know, like this. Well, I mean, I was a mess at that time. So I I mean, they might have told me they might have told me not to take that at all and told me to take something else. I mean, obviously it was a prescription, so they told me to take that one, but like I couldn't tell you for certain.
SPEAKER_01And I can definitely feel a difference in the sleep. Like, I usually take it about an hour or so before I go to bed, and I just feel this like calmness, like overcome.
SPEAKER_02When I when I was taking the progesterone, yeah, like that's it was I like I would have to tell Kyle because like sometimes at night, all of a sudden he'll get real chatty. I don't understand it at all because that like he won't talk all day long, and then all of a sudden it's like, okay, I'm getting tired. And he's like, let me talk to you. I want to tell you lots of things, and he gets really chatty. And so there were many times where I was like, I'm gonna take my medicine. So I've got about 30 minutes till I am out to the world. So if you want to talk to me, you better tell me now because I'm taking this pill and I'm going to sleep. And it didn't work. I do, I will say that is another thing is I do sleep. So when I when I my sleep is not great, but when I do sleep now, it's like hard, yeah, hard sleep. And so I don't know if that's because my sleep is so disrupted regularly. So like when I do finally fall to sleep, it's it's he says that he's never I never used to snore when we first started dating. And I snore all the time now. I am like in there with my mouth open and everything.
SPEAKER_01Probably. If he came to you convinced this might be happening to her, what's the first thing you tell her to do?
SPEAKER_02Talk to you, honestly. I haven't figured it out yet entirely.
SPEAKER_01I mean, like I think we need to read the book.
SPEAKER_02Probably. Maybe we can have like a book club. We could totally make a book club, a paramenopause book club. I like it. And then that could be like our group that we go into menopause with.
SPEAKER_03And we'll read another event.
SPEAKER_00Because she has another one about menopause. I can't remember the name of that one. See?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. See, I think this would be perfect. But no, we definitely so normally whenever someone talks to me about paramenopause, I just you know, rinse and repeat things that you've told me. Yeah. Is where it comes because you're really the first person that I think was like, that's what that is. And then I started doing my report research and I was like, oh, she's right. Yeah, she's not some crazy person. Like my crazy neighbor just told me I have like this major life thing happening.
SPEAKER_01She says she has itchy ears too, and it's hormone related.
SPEAKER_02It's it is. Well, Kyle thinks it's, I mean, I don't think he thinks that it's like a joke joke, but it is a running joke in the house. Yeah. And I'm sure because why like it's the most ridiculous thing. It is. And so I will like if I say something like, oh, like my knee hurts and I don't know why. And he's like, is it paramenopause? Yeah, it probably is. Like, it probably is. It's like be like, oh, like I'm really hungry right now and I don't know why. Oh, paramenopause? Probably. Yeah, okay. What what what else? What other symptoms can possibly sucks to be a man?
SPEAKER_01There's no explanation for you.
SPEAKER_02You're just a baby.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so she also has a book called The New Menopause. Okay. That's the first one she wrote. And then this one is The New Perimenopause. See, we need we need to read the book. I think so too.
SPEAKER_02I think that would help a lot.
SPEAKER_01I agree. But all I have right now are like snippets from TikTok. And I've just pieced them all together.
SPEAKER_02I mean.
SPEAKER_01Well, I also I also do use her supplements, and I'm not, this is not an endorsement, or any people use whatever supplements they want. But what I liked about her supplements is she has one that has fish oil, vitamin D, and vitamin K all in it. Because you're supposed to take D and K together. Now you take several of them, it's not just one of those. I just liked that it was all bundled together, and she made it whatever her covering is or whatever. You don't get those weird fish burps, and some fish oil you'll get that. And that is just a no-no for me. So I kind of went down, you know, I was looking at her supplements and she has a website. She has this free printable that you can download, and it has like questions to ask your doctor when you go in. So like I literally went in with that page to my doctor, and I was like, and here's what we're gonna talk about today. Check, check, check. It has a list of like all the labs that you can ask for to see if there's anything weird and wonky going on with that. So I mean, I have it's not just the TikTok clips. I really have like gone pretty deep on her website too. But I want to I do want to read the book.
SPEAKER_02That did remind me though, that is normally the first thing that I tell people to try is vitamin D. Yes, it's a big one, but that's not just like from parameters. Again, that's just correct.
SPEAKER_01Even kids, like especially being indoors a lot. Yes.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I told I put Ella on a teen. She's got like her own teen vitamin, but it one of the big ones was vitamin D, but iron as well. Yeah, I mean, the vitamin D thing, I'm like, get that tested because like that is, and then magnesium.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that's another one, and that's supposed to help. Well, there's different varieties of magnesium. Some help with sleep, some help keep your like bowel movements regular.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I have heard that too. One of them is helps with migraines, and that's also I'm trying to remember which one it was. I think it's the same one that helps it.
SPEAKER_01Because there's like a glycinate, there's a therate magnesium L-feronate, well, something like that. Something like that. I don't know. We're gonna sound really stupid when this one when this part comes out.
SPEAKER_02I'll just cut it. I'll take two magnesium people. Far different varieties there are you have to get the right one. I do like the magnesium that helped a lot when they're taking that too. I need to find out if I can add if you can take both. I would think you can.
SPEAKER_01What magnesium would be other?
SPEAKER_02They're both different kinds. Oh, yeah, I'm sure you can.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, look into it for sure and see what it says. Because again, like the ones that are the magnesium that's specific to sleep, obviously you'd probably want to take that one at night. Yeah, and ones that are gonna make you more regular, I don't know if it matters, but some of them may say on the pill bottle too, when in the day to take it, but I don't think there are any interaction issues.
SPEAKER_02The other thing that I do tell people when they start talking about their symptoms is to go see Sam. Yes, yeah, because they've got like hormone therapies, yeah. They do all of that there. Yes. I mean that that's who did my workup was them. And there's you know, definitely because that's the other missing link for me.
SPEAKER_01Like I've I've done the progesterone, I've done the estradiol. What I don't have included is the testosterone, because that's another thing that's not FDA approved for women and hasn't been studied enough, I guess. But it can be like the third leg of your RT treatment plan.
SPEAKER_02So the testosterone, he did tell me, so it was off where he he did want to put me on testosterone, but it was like it was so minor at the time, and I was like, I don't want to because I'm already like because I was having like lots of like facial hair issues and things like that. I was like, I don't want to get worse, yeah. And but now that I'm on that diuretic, which that has made a huge difference to my facial hair. Yeah, I mean, I'm I still have some, but it's not nearly like what was happening before. Like I was terrified. I was like, I'm gonna have a beard, it's gonna happen. I'm gonna turn 40 and I'm gonna get a beard. And like what, like, what? Where did that even come from? Perimenopause. Perimenopause. But now that I'm on that diuretic, I'm like, maybe it would, you know, not I mean, it might be worth checking it out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, sure. Yeah, we need to read the book because maybe she talks about that too. Yeah. I don't know. What I do know is if you're gonna take something away from today's episode, first of all, we are not medical professionals. So please do your own research, consult with your physician.
SPEAKER_02Disclaimer at bottom.
SPEAKER_01But the other thing I know is you're not losing your mind. Something real is happening inside your body, and you know your body better better than anybody. So, you know, if if what you're doing doesn't seem to be working, keep asking questions, keep doing the research because you may start experiencing these symptoms years before anybody ever warned you. 30s, 40s, don't just push through it and call it stress for sure. Reach out to your doctor. If your doctor doesn't know, ask another doctor. I mean, you may go through a few doctors before you get to someone who's like, you know what, you're right, you do have a lot of symptoms. Let's let's see if we can start looking a little deeper.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, people that are going to take you serious and actually listen. And that alone is hard to find as a woman.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it is. It is for sure. I also would recommend looking for someone who specializes in women's health and specifically perimenopause and menopause. That's another thing that doesn't necessarily come with a medical residency or someone who's been doing this for many, many years. Find someone who has that specialization or has at least bothered to look into the newest research coming out about women's health. You know, it's something that our moms have gone through, our grandmothers have gone through, our great-grandmothers have gone through, and nobody said a word when they were going through it. Now we're saying things. People are not afraid to speak up. And I think that, you know, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_02I mean, the fact that we're not gonna get institutionalized, I think is a big factor. I think it's a big deal. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's pretty big deal. So if this helped even a little, send it to your sister, drop it in your group chat, send it to whoever's been wondering if this is normal, if this is happening to them too, if they're the only person out there going through these weird changes. And if you've got your own symptom or your own story, come tell us. You know where to find us. Thanks for hanging out with us today. See you next time.