Becoming Burnham
A blended family, big feelings, mental health days, and grief that shows up uninvited. Becoming Burnham is messy, honest, healing, and very us.
Becoming Burnham
32 - Bleacher Creatures
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Are your weekends completely ruled by bleachers, parking lots, and tournament schedule apps? You are definitely not alone.
In Episode 32 of Becoming Burnham, Kristina and Kat dive deep into the real, hilarious, and sometimes overwhelming world of being a sports parent. From managing blended family schedules across two households to surviving 12-hour weekend tournaments without losing your mind (or your cooler), we’re covering it all.
We tackle the rising costs of travel sports, sideways sideline parent behavior, burnout, and how to navigate the hard moments when your kid wants to quit.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Becoming Burnham. Today's episode is one I have been wanting to record for a while because I have spent an unreasonable amount of my recent life in bleachers, parking lots, baseball fields, gyms, and hotel rooms because of youth sports. I know I'm not the only one, Kat, right? Nope, you are not.
SPEAKER_01But I will say, hands down, you've got me beat by like, I don't know, tenfold.
SPEAKER_00Just because we have multiple sports. Today we're talking about what being a sports parent actually looks like and how a blended family handles schedules, driving, money, snacks, the things your kids forget. You know, the list goes on and on. There have definitely been times too when looking at the schedule, I look at a calendar, like the weekend, it'll be a doozy, a doozy. Calendar, what's what on the forefront? On the forefront. It is coming. It is coming. So if you've ever spent some bleachers, bleachers, between games, I had to pack a bag. And to pack a bag forgetting something important. Kat, if someone told you before you had kids how much time you would spend sitting in parking lots, bleachers, or traffic for youth sports, would you have believed them?
SPEAKER_01Probably not. I don't know if you know this, but I did not play a ton of sport growing up.
SPEAKER_00I don't know that I did either, really. I mean, they did ballet when I was a little girl.
SPEAKER_01I did ballet for like a year.
SPEAKER_00I cheered, I think, in middle school, but I cheered for not too many sports.
SPEAKER_01I did pop warner for a year. Cheers that cheered. And then I did ballet for a year. I did ballet for a year. Did you do what was your sport? What was your sport in high school? But I also I did cheerlead and I played soccer as well.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I played soccer in high school. That was the only sport I did. And then I was in the marching band. I did the flags. Um, marching band. I don't know if you have to tell that about that. I don't think about that. Doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. What the creative artistic side? Yes, that was what I was going through. Okay. What's the most chaotic sports day you've ever had? Now that you've got two in wrestling, or maybe it's a sports weekend for you.
SPEAKER_01No, so we haven't hit like the sports weekend again because so far Ella and Archer have been, you know, like everything's like on the same day. So this will be our first year where she's in high school wrestling on a high school team versus Archer who's with a private club. Yes. And so Saturdays will be for Ella and Sundays are gonna be for Archer. So this last year though, we did have a tournament where I don't know exactly how they split it, but Ella had to be there in the morning bracket and Archer had to be there in the afternoon bracket. Not that big of a deal, but we were there all day.
SPEAKER_00That's the deal.
SPEAKER_01Yes, all day. I believe that was also the tournament where Ella was really struggling to like get down to the weight that she needed to be. Not because, like, because we don't believe in cutting weight, we really don't. But she had started her period. Yeah. And so she was a little bit heavier than what she normally is, and like no fault of her own. Yeah, it's her body. She was probably retaining water weight. Oh god, it knows that. And so she all week long, she was like, just have to get down. What I think it was one one and a half pounds or something like that. And we went to weigh in and she was like point over, I think it was. Like people who were like, Ella, like go like take off your off, like go cooking, and she would make it. So she was so she had worked so hard, yeah. She was like, No, no, no, I'm just gonna wrestle at the higher weight class. And we were like, Are you sure? And she did. And it actually ended up being kind of blessing in disguise because she's like, I love wrestling this weight class, and that's what she wants to do. Yeah, she wants to wrestle at yeah, so she's been wrestling 35 and she weighs 130. So for high school, the plan is um to wrestle 138 and she's like 30-ish.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, somewhere. But then she's got lots of room when she's making weight.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But that particular day, I think it was just the whole weekend. It was just a nightmare because we had the cutting weight. So she's I I mean, anybody has a teenage girl who's on their period, but also not eating. Um, they're not fun. No, I can't imagine they are. It was it was not a great experience. So that was leading up to it, and then having the actual all-day tournament. In this particular tournament, they would not let out outside food.
SPEAKER_00Oh no. So then you're just resigned to like crappy tournament food. And then like this poor girl hasn't eaten all week. I mean, it's like BC has not stuff she needs to be eaten for sure. Not at all, not at all.
SPEAKER_01So it was that was a mess. It was a total mess. Sounds like a mess. Yeah. But they had lots of mat time that day. So that part was good. Yeah. I think Archer had like seven, seven mat times. Wow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's good too. Because a lot of times it's just a couple here and there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no. Oh, that's like seven. He could have had 12 had he, if he was winning the whole time. The kid who won, I think, wrestled 12 times.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Yeah, that's a lot. Well, I know when you first signed Archer up for wrestling, Ella was not wrestling at the time. So it was just an Archer thing. So, what did you think you were signing up for when you first started way back when? Just a couple practices. Did you know you were gonna get in tournaments? Did you have any idea Ella would fall in love with it the way she did? Oh, god, no.
SPEAKER_01Uh so I mean, you are the one that got us into wrestling. Uh, I had talked to you about how Archer needed something physical, and you're like, oh, Davey and just started wrestling, he loves it. Yeah. And I was like, okay. And then you told me that they had free free trial, do free trial classes, and I was like, you know what? Let's see if Archer likes it. And then it turned out Archer liked it more than Davey. I know.
SPEAKER_00So I don't know what happened, and then we just kind of took a different direction.
SPEAKER_01But but he loves soccer, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And like that's this thing.
SPEAKER_01I think wrestling is too it sounds weird, too boring.
SPEAKER_00I I do agree. I think that was Davian's thing. It's very, very repetitive because you gotta get those movements in, whereas soccer can be a little more unpredictable.
SPEAKER_01But like you have your match, and then you might be downtime for an hour or two.
SPEAKER_00Well, baseball too, and he played baseball for a little while, loved it, and then hated it also. And I think it's the same, it just wasn't enough engagement for him.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he he is an energizer bunny. He is, so he needs it. Yeah, um, so we started our charger. And I mean I mean I got a fella like, don't you want to do this? I did it. It's really fun. You should totally do it. And you know, super excited. Yep. And she was like, No, no, no. And then she got into her little trouble. And so that's when I was like, you don't have a choice. You are gonna be doing wrestling because you need to do something that's going to like occupy your time, shoot around different people, like get you in shape. Cause like a lot of things that you do not want to do when you're wrestling four days a week. Yeah, because you're just like, I don't want to eat like crap. I don't want to smoke or drink or you know, do things that they should not be doing at their age, anyways. Right. Because it makes them feel like crap. Yep. And so um, she she got into it, and like first month, and I remember like Coach Daniel specifically, he was like, Do you want to do this? And she was she was pretty like, no. And he he'd be like, Oh, okay. And then I remember he had asked her, Do you want to compete? And she was like, I don't know, me. And he's like, No, do you want to compete? And so she said yes, and then all of a sudden he started pouring into her, and it was like a light switch. I didn't realize that was the turning point. Yeah, so it was not until she actually because like he had told her, like, you could compete. And I don't think that she thought that she could.
SPEAKER_00She didn't see it in herself yet.
SPEAKER_01And when he told her that, and she was like, What? Like, I'm capable, and she just started picking it up, and I will say, Ella is very much so a natural ass. Yeah. Her and Arlen both, I'm not like that. I never was like that. Kyle is, I'm not. Um and Archer is also not. And then I have to work really, really hard. And to me, I'm like, I have to work really, really hard to be, I don't know, mediocre. Yeah. Archer has to work really hard to be good. I'm I'm just struggling to be mediocre at this point. But hey, it's all good. I'm still going out there. Yeah, it's fine.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's part of it too, is so it all started with signing Archer up for wrestling. Yep. Okay, and then and then Ella got involved, and now they're both competing. But there's another person who's going to I do jujitsu.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And two days a week, and uh I was actually just telling Crystal the Jiu Jitsu coach, I think I'm getting worse. I don't understand how, but uh I'm pretty positive. Did she agree with you or was she like, no, you're not? No, she said that I wasn't, and but I don't believe her.
SPEAKER_00Do you think you're overthinking things now that you know more?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. I I don't know. I feel it's funny because I I tell her, and I've asked Ella too, I'm like, feel stiff, feel so stiff. I don't feel like my movements are fluid. And Ella is like, no, mom, I don't see that at all. But feel stiff. So that was that was another reason why I was like, maybe I should do some hot yoga with you. Oh, yeah, for the flexibility piece. Um, because I will say my joints hurt. Yeah. But they do. My knees are always hurting, my shoulders are always hurting. It's really hard to be in a combat sport when you're my age. More mature. My age, like getting old. Um, but yeah, but I don't plan on competing. Never. Crystal has convinced us as a team, women's team, that we should all do the mom's wrestling tournament next year. I cannot wait to be a spectator. It's in Alabama. I so it's a commitment. Yeah. It's gonna be great. I hope so. I'm like, if I don't I don't know, smush a mom's face into the mat, I'm gonna be so mad. I'm gonna be so mad. But I will, I will say, I don't know if I could ever compete with jujitsu. It is, it's terrifying sometimes. Yeah. I mean, it so I do struggle. Umce I get to the point where I can't breathe, I really have a hard time finding that quiet place where I can think through it because I do, I have like that panic response where I'm like, oh my god, I can't breathe. And it's just so interesting because a lot of the women that we're in class with, like, so impressive, like they can become quiet and like about being able to get out of the game. Like, how do you do that? Because it's breaking break.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, it's oh yeah, oh yeah. But you've talked about too, and that used to be something you would do and do in wrestling. It's not about it.
SPEAKER_01It's like being in an uncomfortable position, okay. More so than because like with wrestling, like you can't choke somebody. It might have some pressure on you, but it's not to the extent of jujitsu where you fairly have somebody pass out.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, that's that's I would think it is normal to be scared in when you're in that position. I would think so too.
SPEAKER_01That watching like the other women or especially some of the like the kids. The kids are I mean, they're wild, they're wild. They're just they're just they're crazy, they're crazy. But watching them, watching them, I clearly have some work to do. Yeah. With calming down, breathing. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Are these the only two sports or are there others? Yeah. So Ella, so Ella did do um boxing. Oh, when was that? So Ellen and Arlen boxed and we found 13 and 20. So also a contact sport. Also a contact. I I guess I have a theme here. Um, so they both did that, and Ella she didn't love it, but she didn't hate it either. Um Arlen was fine with it because it was a lot of movement and he Davian, yeah, he needed a lot of movement. Yeah. Um that's why he liked basketball too, probably. Yes. And so Arlen had done a couple basketball camps. He was on the basketball team the year he broke his arm, and so he didn't actually get to compete, which was a bummer for him. Um outside of that, that's it. Yeah, like Archer has never I mean, when he was younger, specialist coming at his face of a ball kind, yeah, um, was terrifying to him. So no basketball, no baseball, no football, no soccer. And he would play with his friends and then like a ball would come flying at his face, and he's like, Nope, I'm never gonna do that again. Yeah. And that's how he was. Yeah. And so it was really hard. But when his therapist actually was the one who was like, he needs something to get that um anger and aggression out, you know, especially after losing Arlen, um, we were like, What about wrestling? And she was just like, that is perfect. Yeah. Because especially for him, it's not just about getting the aggression out, that energy out. Yeah, it's so for wrestling, it's also about the dedication piece of it, the being able to think under pressure, being able to move past the pain or like do hard things. Yeah, because that's one thing with wrestling. It hurts. Yeah. Even when you're doing it right, yeah, it hurts. And to be able to know that, hey, my body can go so much further than what my brain is telling me it can was big for him. Why? I that's amazing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. How much of your weekend, once you get into wrestling season, how much of your weekend is dictated by sports and how much of your your weekdays? I mean, is it just constantly all the time, or does it sort of ebb and flow?
SPEAKER_01I mean, so wrestling practice itself is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. That's a big chunk. So that's that's big. On top of school. On top of school. Yeah, very little time outside. Okay. With it being Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Although with Ella starting high school to be a little bit different. So right now I do both practices because our archer is in first practice, Ella is in second. So we are there from five until eight.
SPEAKER_00At the same gym. The same gym, yes. Yeah. And then when Ella starts up at the high school, is she over here at the high school? Yeah, she'll be at the high school.
SPEAKER_01So and she does her practice three to five. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I think is what they're so like they're going right after they get out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I'm actually getting time back.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Which is kind of cool to think about because how did that happen? I I'm putting you in a totally like another program and I'm getting time back. So it's like having more time. But her tournaments are going to be Saturdays. Okay. And Archers are normally on Sundays.
SPEAKER_00So it's every weekend.
SPEAKER_01So it's going to be the whole weekend versus one day or the other. Yeah. That's a pretty big commitment. It is. It is. So that piece will be interesting to balance, but even like right now, let's say we only have one Saturday or one Sunday day, the whole weekend still ends up being about sports, whether it's preparing for the tournament or recovering from the tournament. Um, because you need both, honestly. So I need a three-day weekend every weekend during wrestling season, and that's not how it works.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Well, and for people who aren't familiar with wrestling, are you committed to competing in every single tournament that's out there, or do you pick and choose your tournaments? We pick and choose.
SPEAKER_01So I do, I mean, we've got parents and on the team that they do every tournament, no matter how far. Does not matter. Yeah. And sometimes even out of state. Yeah. Um, I do not have that kind of commitment. Like there's just no way that I can fit in pulling, you know, four or five hours away to do a tournament. And then you've got the hotel that you gotta get and you're eating out all the time. And I can't do it. Yeah. And so um, I do normally limit us to be within like a two-hour radius. Yeah. So as long as it's within two hours, I'm down. But if it's like really truly, I try to pick one hour, yeah. Like that's like my sweet spot. Yeah. Um, but I'll go as far as two. I want to say I did one last year that was two hours away, but not that far. So we end up being um, I don't know, it's been kind of weird. So last year, a couple of them I want to say got canceled. And so we ended up, I want to say on average, maybe every other week. We had something. Um, and then the year before that, we only had one because he joined halfway through the season. And then the first tournament that was available to him, he didn't want to do because he's nervous. And then the next one that he actually signed up for got canceled because of ice rain or ice or whatever it was. And then um, I can't remember, I think we were out of town for the last one. Oh, yeah. So I was like, well, that was there goes that. That was a whole season out the window. So yeah, so this this year is um, this is our first like full, full season beginning to end, two different programs. It we'll see. Yeah, because I I don't think Ella has as much of a choice with the high schools, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Probably not. I don't know. Will they bust them to the competitions if they're away, or do you have to do that? I think they do. Okay, I'm pretty sure that they do. So it would seem like it if it's a sanction for high school. Yeah. Well, put yourself in, like, go back to some of those tournaments you went to last year or the year before. What types of sports parents drive you absolutely crazy?
SPEAKER_01Okay, there's so many different types. There are so many kinds, so many kinds. So um, you weren't there for this one, but I wish you had been because you would have just died with me. Um, so middle of a match, a kid of starts crying on the mat. His mom came down on the mat on the mat to like baby her son, yell at the referee, yell at our coaches, and we were like, your kid being like a total a-hole gave our wrestler a bloody nose in the first 30 seconds. Oh my goodness. That's what I'm saying. Like, he's way worse than he needed to be. And then, like, we I don't even want to call it retaliation because it wasn't. Yeah, he just was a little bit like threw him around a little bit harder than he needed to, and the kid like cried. And the mom called, did she get in trouble for coming down on the mat like? Like she did, I bet. But then she sat at the other end of the gym and just dogged our team whole day. Like, I'm not talking for like 30 minutes afterwards, like all day. And if anybody was like, What's wrong? Those people, they just put me in a bad mood. And I want to say it was her son's like first match of the day. So um, so we got people like that. I cannot stand um, like wrestling parents who are just like, I don't know, and you were there for this one. If you have a child who, let's say they've been competing since they were four, okay, and you're going up against a kid who's been competing for three months, all right? Do we really have to make that three-month child feel like utter crap?
SPEAKER_00Like, do we then there's never a time really to as a parent to be the one making another competitor feel any kind of way. No.
SPEAKER_01And so we we had another parent who their their child is great, really, really great. Um, I will say I was a little upset because they they went to some beginner tournaments, not beginners, and we were there, and I remember Archer like looked at me, he's like, I'm not, I'm not wrestling. And he because he was upset because he knew like that kid's been wrestling for more than a year or more than two years. And it should have just been beginners. And I'm not the mom who thinks, you know, my kid deserves a ribbon for participating. I'm not that mom.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, however, I do think that there is a limitation. Like, if your kid is that good, then your your your kid doesn't need to make my child feel like they're never gonna be good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, that's not the way the tournament is designed either. It's designed for beginners so that you can have somewhat of a competitive catch-up.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And that's not what it looks like when you are going against somebody that that is that highly skilled. And then the parent turns around and messages us, oh, your kid did pretty good. I can really see that they're gonna be successful eventually. Really?
SPEAKER_00I didn't know they texted you. Oh, yeah. That's weird. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Eventually, eventually with practice. I'm like, oh, thank you. Thank you so much for that. But like, who I know, you know, I I I think that parents get a little too busted when to me, I'm like, my kids are in wrestling or in a sport. It is for them. Okay, it is not for me. Yeah. And the only part that I need to be included in on that is teaching my children about resiliency, how to properly, yes, gracefully. Gracefully. How to win. Yes. Okay, because that's a whole other skill. Yeah. Um, all of those that's my job. And that's it. Yep. But it's not my job to be like, oh, you have to win every single match or else.
SPEAKER_00Like, what is that? I know, I know. What kind of uh experience is that for the kid, even you know, that's just a lot of pressure, and and this is the time when they can learn to make the mistakes, to fall, to get up. Yeah, you know, all of that. We should just be encouraging.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And then the last type of parent that I think is and it's not even that I'm like, ew, I don't like you. It's just I think gross. Um, it's the best way to put it. The parents that encourage their kids to cut weight.
SPEAKER_00I I I don't think I worry about that too. It's just just being a really big health risk. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I only say this because like I I did. I mean, I didn't I didn't personally high school because I was very tiny in high school. I didn't even have to worry about it. Yeah. But I watched all the guys on the team, yeah. And, you know, they would be, I mean, just starving themselves. And then I saw them like trying to compete when they just have no fuel in their body. And I get that like there's times because some competitions you have to wrestle at the same weight class throughout the entire year, which I do think is like we're talking about growing children. Yeah. You know, it's not, it's not high schoolers where for the most part they're pretty much done growing. We're talking about little kids. Archer went through a growth spurt halfway through last year. Yeah, and you never know when that's gonna happen. I don't know. And he jumped up, I think it was two weight classes. Wow. So like that can happen. Yes. And um, I do think kids need to have the freedom to do so. I think when we are like, hey, you have to be at this weight, and again, I know that there are certain circumstances that dictate that, but like if you can allow them to grow naturally with the sport, grow naturally with their body, they'll only be better because at some point that kid who's been kept at a particular weight for two or three years and hasn't been permitted to gain weight with his body, like at some point he's gonna have to gain weight. And then what is he gonna do? Yep, because his skill set is not gonna match. True. And that's really hard. Yeah. And so it's almost like you're setting up your child for failure later.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Like I don't think they haven't, they haven't picked up the skills along the way to be prepared for that failure. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I want Archer to fail now when it really doesn't matter. Yeah. Right? Like he's in third grade. Yeah. Okay, he can fail at wrestling. It's not like a college is gonna be like, well, he failed that that tournament in third grade. Nobody cares about that. Yeah. So that he has the right skill set, the right mindset when he goes into high school.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's a good point. What about you as a wrestling parent? Do you are you a loud parent? Are you a quiet parent? What do you think? You sat next to me. Um, you're kind of both, actually. I mean, you're very focused and intense on what's happening, but um, you do also have. Um I didn't to be held onto the bat, though weren't you kind of like asked to take it down a couple notches? One time.
SPEAKER_01That was one time. One time. Okay, one time. Um, and it was their fault. They were like, sit right here, and then I did. And so then I was yelling and I was right there. And they were like, Well, he was looking right at you. Archer was looking right at you. Like, he was, and so they had asked me to like come over here so that Archer's looking at us. Yeah. And I was like, that's fine. Um, but yeah, no, I have been able to like be a little bit quieter sometimes.
SPEAKER_00But you're not always loud. I mean, there is a balance. There is a balance. It's when it's when it starts getting really um close, or you know, something happens, somebody does a move or something, or you know, it's aggressive for no reason.
SPEAKER_01The time that I got, I would say scolded is so and I get why he scolded me, but I like was watching my kid not put in his best effort.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that infuriated me. And I was just like, no, like that's not okay. And so when he got off the mat after like they're supposed to talk to their coaches, like I immediately was like, that was not okay. And the coaches were like, you could talk to him after. And I'm like, that's fine. Yeah. But I was so mad. Yeah. Because that I don't care if you lose, I don't care if you win. I mean, like, if you win, cool. But like, I don't care if you lose. I care about the effort that you put forth. Yeah. And if you go out there and you give up, that's not acceptable to me. Yeah. Of all the things that you could do, that's probably the last one I would choose to do as if I was my kid. Um, like he was like looking at me. I remember Archie looking at me and just giving up. Yeah. I was so I think we were there for that one.
SPEAKER_00Because I think he was just laying there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Like he laid down and and pinned himself, practically. Basically. And because he was, he was mad. He was frustrated. Like the the I mean, I will say, like, the kid had pulled his headgear and had um like pulled the strap off, and like it was like essentially broken. Yeah. And so Archer was frustrated. Yeah. And just was like, well, that's it. I'm not gonna do it anymore. And I'm like, that's just but you know what?
SPEAKER_00That kid is gone. He he is totally different on the mat now. He would never do that now. No, ever. Like that, it's just gone. That is gone.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00I mean, he has he has grown so much. Have you ever witnessed a parent completely lose it at a wrestling tournament?
SPEAKER_01I've definitely seen that. I mean, I saw that in high school even. Oh, yeah. Oh god, yeah. I mean, my one of my coaches got kicked out before. Absolutely. Um, because they, you know, didn't agree with the coach's call and or I'm sorry, referee's call, and they got out there and they got in the ref space. And I remember like we're all watching because at the time, um, so I was a map mate, and not like it's not a cheerleader. I don't, I guess, here sometimes it's cheerleaders, but as a scorekeeper. And because this is before everything was digital. Yeah. It was literally on paper and flip thing. And it's like we're sitting there and we're like scorekeeping. And our our coach is like, here's the ref and here's our coach. And he was like, You could see him like sitting like onto the freaking ref's face. And that ref was like, get out, and like, do not come back.
SPEAKER_00Like, do not come back. Well, I have some questions about um bleacher creatures. Okay. And I was gonna see between the two of us who's who okay. Um, who brings the most snacks? I bring the most snacks. I think you do. I have up my game though. You haven't seen me in a while. This is I have up my game. I even have a checklist. Oh, you have a checklist. So we might be neck and neck on that one. Okay. Who knows everyone's stats?
SPEAKER_01It's not me. I was like, I'm probably it's probably it's absolutely you.
SPEAKER_00I okay.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00I can find them now in the app and I know how to do all that.
SPEAKER_01I like to do my research beforehand.
SPEAKER_00I like to know. In fact, I probably learned that from you because you were the one who was like, okay, we'll look up this kid, who's Draden up against? And then we would look at his competition.
SPEAKER_01You have to know, like, is your child are is your child the kind of kid needs to know what they're up against? Like, will that help ease some of their anxiety? Or is that going to make them more anxious? Yeah. Because like I looked at like Archer versus Ronan.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Ronan, he, I mean, like, he got to the point where he was competing against the same people. Yeah. So he knew what he was up against. Right. But like, he didn't do well if he knew somebody else's stats. Because he'd get in his own head. Yeah. Whereas like Archer needed to know that I'm going to be going up against somebody really good. Yeah. They're going to give me a run for my money, or I need to focus on this, or I want to go watch their next match so I can see the kind of movies that they do. Uh-huh. Ella is sometimes she needs to know and sometimes not. Because she she does sometimes get in her head too. Yeah. Um, but almost like the opposite. If she goes against somebody who like thinks that she'll beat, then she doesn't always perform the best. Yeah. Whereas if she's going against somebody where she's like, I either know I'm not gonna win or like it's gonna be a really hard match, she puts in a lot of yeah. I think Jordan's kind of like that too. Um but I think what ends up, I mean, I I think they just take her by surprise. Yeah. And she'll make a mistake. Yep. Um, I will say wrestling is one of the only sports that I've ever, I mean, like that I can think of where talent doesn't always matter.
SPEAKER_00Right. Strategy is a big, big part.
SPEAKER_01It really is. And like not only that, like being able to recover from a mistake, like if if you can't quickly, you could be, you could be top seated and make a really stupid mistake and blow it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We I mean, we saw a girl um in the freestyle season who she was seated first and she was very good. Yeah. And she she made just a really like just it wasn't even a big mistake, but it was a minor mistake, and it caught her, cost her her match. Wow. The first her first round and that put her down to the point where she could not get anything better than third. Oh wow. And like that sucks. Yeah. When you're like, I am good enough. Yeah. Like I should be first. Yeah. But she didn't get first.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. It happens. It does happen for sure. Who's always late? I don't feel like I'm late.
SPEAKER_01No, I don't think I was like, I was like, wait a second, I'm like, not me. I thought you'd immediately go, uh, you. I mean, you for sure. I mean, it's definitely not me.
SPEAKER_02I'm late.
SPEAKER_01Okay. But I'm not early. You are late, late sometimes. Do you not remember when Draden almost missed Wayne's and I was like calling?
SPEAKER_00It's not my fault. That was not my fault. We were going by what was published. I never got a message that it changed. I was telling the officials, they're gonna be here.
SPEAKER_01They're gonna be here.
SPEAKER_00But you wouldn't even tell me the truth that he was like about to miss his turn.
SPEAKER_01So I was just like, just get here safely. It's gonna be fine.
SPEAKER_00We're on the way. That was not my fault. But because I'm not early, it you know, was worse than it could have been.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do try now to like make sure like I I like double check. Like, like, oh, like what time is like middle school way ins? Uh-huh. Like, it's what time is trade in need to be here.
SPEAKER_00Yes. If they put out a flyer and I put that on my calendar, I'm not gonna check again. Like it's that's what time they said it's starting. So that's what time it's on my calendar. Yeah, no, that one did throw me a little bit. Um, who has the biggest sports parent emergency kit? Band-aids, ice packs. Oh, okay. I thought I was pretty good at that too.
SPEAKER_01Uh, do you have like the nosebleed thingies? Do you have ice packs though? Do you have the blood wipes? What's a blood wipe? For cleaning blood. What's special about it? It's not like an alcohol pad or something. I don't know. I don't know. I'd have to look at it, but they're like special for like cleaning blood. Oh yeah. You haven't seen my whole kit.
SPEAKER_00No, I haven't.
SPEAKER_01I haven't had to use it.
SPEAKER_00I was proud of myself because I had ice packs, but I mean that's really great. I have the standard kit with ice packs. I created my own kit. Of course you did. Okay, fine, you win.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00Um, let's see. Who's most likely to get kicked out of a game? Absolutely you. Absolutely 100%. I would never get kicked out of a game. 100%. Do you think I'm more likely to get kicked out of a game? No. Okay. I'm why would I get kicked out? Because there's only two people in this game. Oh, okay. It's me and you. You're right. You're right. You're right. Okay. Now, if there was someone else here if it was let's say it's me, you, and Kyle. Then probably Kyle. Kyle, for sure. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. Not even, not even close. Me, you and Sam. Still thank you. What? Do you think she's more likely to get kicked out than you? I mean, well, she gets fired up. Well, I haven't seen that. Like if she got fired up, she, you frequently get fired up. That doesn't, that is I am passionate.
SPEAKER_01I am passionate about the sport, okay?
SPEAKER_00I love it. Okay. I just want to ask you a few more questions because you have the whole blended family going on too. Okay. Um, how does scheduling work when you've got kids moving between two households and you have maybe you have uniforms at one house and not at another? How do you work out all of that?
SPEAKER_01We have had to kind of practice with this. So we have found that really one parent needs to be like, I am like this. And so like I am the wrestling mom. Um, Sam was happy to like give that over because I did wrestling, I understand it. We probably would give Kyle this responsibility, but he works on Saturdays, so like he can't have it. Yeah. Um, because we had one weekend where it was like one weekend he was with Sam and had a tournament, and then the next weekend he was with us, and he ended up misplacing his singlet. It didn't get washed in time, like it was just a mess. Yeah. And so we were like, you know what, we can't have that happen. As much as we like to share responsibility, it has to be one or the other. Yeah. Because otherwise, stuff's gonna get misplaced. So, um, so I'm I'm that person. So I make sure because I have a very strict routine, like as soon as we get home from every tournament, they are to like strip down, obviously, and shower. Yeah, all of the stuff goes into the washer machine, and then it immediately goes back into their wrestling bag, and the wrestling bag stays together. And then that also means that certain things outside of and even some of our snacks, but like outside of like anything perishable, like everything stays in my bags here. Yep. So all I have to do is grab the bag and then anything cold, you know, you have to put in. Um, and the two like bleacher chairs. Yes. And throw them in the back. Yes. Like everything. By the way, that was my that was you. Yes. Yes. Very, very big. Bougie chairs. Oh my gosh, they are so bougie.
SPEAKER_00We still need to get um the battery packs though. I wonder if you can use your like a battery. Do you have one at like an external battery charger? I keep wondering if that would work.
SPEAKER_01So I did bring one one time to check, and yes, you can. Okay. So um, just so everybody knows, Cena is really fancy bleacher chairs that have a massage and heat. Armrest. Armrest. Very comfy. And um, I had to buy some too.
SPEAKER_00So now we are definitely, and to be fair, like that I didn't discover them on my own. We discovered them from Annie's family, who's a softball family, and they I've learned a lot from them too. Um, because they do the like weekend long baseball soft sorry, softball chills.
SPEAKER_01Well, and those ones are outside, so sometimes I would think it does like there's gotta be times of the year where it's cold or where you can.
SPEAKER_00Well, we now have a portable propane gas heat we can take to those. That's really cool. And we now have a fan that uh it's like a what do you call that brand of like drills and stuff? Not Ryobi, but there's another DeWalt, I think is what it is. So DeWalt has this big fan that you can put the DeWalt batteries on. So you have the same batteries for all your tools. That's so now we have one of those, we have a canopy. Because yeah, the outdoor tournaments are an entirely different experience. Yeah, but unlike the gym based much more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's no way.
SPEAKER_00There's a lot. And then after we totaled our car and we had a rental and we had to take this Toyota Corolla to a tournament, dude, we were packed in there like sardines. Like literally, they was taking a nap in the back. And between the two boys, we had a cooler and we had a I think we had a bog bag, and then we had the canopy, like balanced, or it was the wagon balanced across the top, but it like collapsed, you know, into like this rectangular shape. So it's balanced on top, and Darwin took a turn to get on the highway, and all of it started spilling over on a Davian, and he's just trapped underneath, and he's asleep, and he starts waking up. He's like, It's like, how do you hell, man? And you couldn't even see him because there was so much stuff. So, like, yeah, it is it's a lot.
SPEAKER_01But now you have your nice new fancy car. So hard. Yes, it won't happen again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that that weekend alone, we were like, we gotta put like we gotta get a car ASAP.
SPEAKER_01So the the tournaments is really kind of what turned me off of my sequoia.
SPEAKER_00Why?
SPEAKER_01Because it didn't have as much space in the back.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you're right, which is so weird to me. It's like the biggest car, but it has the least amount of space.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's because it gives you the most passenger space. Okay. So like everything is very roomy and comfy, but like the actual storage.
SPEAKER_00Until you have to go somewhere with people, and then it's no longer roomy and comfy for anyone.
SPEAKER_01Because there's like, yeah, so um the Grand Highlander is much with the storage space.
SPEAKER_00Have any of these tournaments help bring your family closer together or any of these sports in general? Have you noticed that it's brought any of you closer together?
SPEAKER_01I think so. I mean, I think it's it's something so it's it's kind of nice for Kyle and I because it's something that we have in common from high school. Yeah. So we do like to trade stories, you know, here and there, or even just like, wow, like so much has changed because it has changed drastically from, you know, when we were in high school 25 years ago. Yeah. Um, so like we love to exchange stuff about that. Um, but then it's also, you know, like teaching Sam and teaching Brian and like getting them involved and excited. Yeah. Um, which I think I think Sam was skeptical at first, but then she went once she went to the first one, she was like, This is it. Yeah. Like we are wrestling moms for she gets right down on the mat too. Yeah. Yeah. So she that's the one thing that she is in charge of. She is in charge of filming. Okay. Um, mostly because I am incapable of filming and yellow. Because like I'll be like this the whole time. So she's in charge of filming.
SPEAKER_00Yes, that's a good job for her. It's a very important job, too. It is a very important job, 100%. Yeah. Yes. I can't film either anymore. I've learned. Sometimes I do, and then I notice that like the camera moves because I'm watching with my eyes over the camera. Um, so I tend to have other people filming at the same time as well. So that it really is, you can't not have a filmer.
SPEAKER_01I will say this um this is coming with us. Oh, yeah. Now that you have your little tripod. Which I got that. Um, this is the same one that Kimmelly had. Oh, okay. So I I saw her use it first and I was like, that is it really is. And she's just like, oh yeah, like you could just set it up, hit record, and it even has a remote. So like I could be on the mat and I couldn't. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. So don't forget to turn it on. I cannot wait. I can't wait.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome.
SPEAKER_01Then we then Sam and I can both be down there. Yeah. Yelling and waving our arms. Oh, actually, I was like, I just waved my arm and I want to make sure I didn't accidentally turn off the camera.
SPEAKER_00All right. Just a few final questions then. When it comes to tournaments and matches and practices and all that, what's one thing you absolutely cannot forget?
SPEAKER_01Hmm.
SPEAKER_00I'm trying to think of like what is like the absolute.
SPEAKER_01It's gotta be snacks because you don't have something or water. I mean that's a big one too. You know, because like you're you're you're gonna die. Like it, I mean, like literally. And me as the person on the side of the mat yelling, like I get so thirsty and so hungry. Yeah, um, I would have to say snacks about it.
SPEAKER_00I'm going with the chairs. I cannot sit on those bleachers. It is the chairs, and for baseball tournaments, it's my like portable rocking chair, you know, outdoor chair.
SPEAKER_01That is nice. I yeah. If I if I had to, if I if there was one thing, you do spend way more time like field side, courtside, like whatever you want to call it, than I do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, like, yes, is wrestling five days a week for me and about to be six? Sure. That's a lot, but I'm not necessarily, you know, courtside or field side or like in bleachers, because four of those days I'm not even in bleachers, no, I'm just in the chair.
SPEAKER_00So um, yeah, you definitely that would be my my absolute as and and and snacks will come a very close second. I just cannot, there's only so many like session stand hot dogs and hamburgers and bags of chips you can do. Like I'm so sick of that food. Yeah. Just thinking about it makes you.
SPEAKER_01Well, also, I mean, I can't count the number of times where the fact that I bring so many snacks has been helpful to other parents. Yes. Who uh maybe packed healthier snacks or maybe just didn't pack enough snacks because they're not thinking like I would be here for 12 hours. Right. Um, and then it's like, well, I have all this extra stuff. Like, have at it. Yeah. Um, many, many younger children who are not competing and like having a hard time sitting.
SPEAKER_00The brothers and sisters, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And you have better snacks than they do. Yeah, and they're like, Miss Cat, can I look in your bag? Yeah, absolutely. Yes. Have at it.
SPEAKER_00What's your best tournament snack?
SPEAKER_01Um, I do I love to bring pineapple. Everybody can normally count on me for having pineapple. Yeah. Um, I cut it at my sails. Yeah. Um, I have I don't know, like because I do a rotation. Yeah. Because I do normally will have at least one fresh fruit, and then I do um, I do the uncrustables because it's just easier. So easy. Like throw them in, and I can have a variety of flavors. I will say the protein, bright eye eye or something like that. Uh-huh. So good. What is it? It's it's I want to say it's like a mixed berry and peanut butter, but it has added protein to it. A mixed berry and peanut butter what? Like spray? Uncrustable. Oh, I've not seen that. Yeah. So it's like a protein uncrustable. Okay. Um, really, really tasty. Uh do granola bars, like all the like basic stuff. I'm like trying to think if I have anything that's like really, really good. Because I try not to like let them bring crap.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um Draden's favorite is a rice cake, and then we buy the squeezable peanut butter and squeezable honey, and then he'll put that on top, like right before he gets on the mat. It gives him a big energy rush. So we do um same concept. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but we do rice crispy treats. Oh, yeah, that's another good one to have. So that's what we do for fast energy. Yep. Um, right before a match. And then um, this year I'm gonna be adding in. So they have um, you know, like the apples. Yeah. They have um they have pineapple, yes, and they have mango and like a couple different flavors. I'm like, I'm gonna think I'm gonna start adding some of them. And then the honey sticks.
SPEAKER_00Yep. Um we've been buying the individual packs of honey, like it's maybe a tablespoon of honey, but I've seen those sticks too. I think that would be convenient.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And the applesauce and rice crispy treats would be good ones to send with them at school so they can eat it before practice or something too. Yes.
SPEAKER_01That is one thing that Ella is um gonna have to be a little bit different. So, you know, here at home it's a little bit different now that she's homeschooled, but when she's actually at school, she's gonna have to eat.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like there's no way that she's gonna be able to not eat, which is what she was doing before, and then go wrestle for three hours, you know, after school. Um, what's that saying? If you if you don't eat like an athlete, you won't perform like an athlete.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Her body won't have what it needs.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely not. No. Um, okay, let's see. Um, what about quitting? Because I know this has come up a couple times. So how do you handle when your child brings up the idea that they want to quit? Is that an option?
SPEAKER_01So we actually just recently had um Sam and I were having this conversation because Archer has approached us about quitting. And so for me, if I'm not with Kyle, I'm not with Sam. If it's just me, um, my answer is no. Yeah, it's not acceptable. And um, now if if you came to me and you were like, I have a legitimate reason that I don't want to do this anymore, or even I want to do this instead. Maybe, maybe, depending on like, are we halfway through the season? Like, once once you're in the season, to me, I'm like, mm-mm, I agree. No, you have to finish off this. Yeah. Um, like, so Archer recently has come and said that he wants to quit. And when I asked him why, he said, because it was hard. Wrong answer. Yeah. Such the wrong answer. I mean, for me, for me, that was the wrong answer. And it was probably one of I could probably count on on one hand how many times I've done this, but it was the first time in a really long time that I was like, you know what? You have to talk to your mom and dad. I'm not going to be the one to put my foot down because my answer might be different than theirs. And I was like, but I will tell you what I'd say. And I was like, because if you told me that, I would, I would tell you no. Yeah. Absolutely not. I'm like, that's not a that's not a reason to quit. Things are hard. And things are gonna be hard for the rest of your life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like it doesn't mean that every sport you transition to is gonna be hard.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. At some point, it's gonna get hard because you are gonna have a learning curve and you are going to be against somebody better than you, or you're gonna be against somebody bigger or older or more mature or whatever. And it's just not a reason to quit. Yeah. But I wasn't a hundred percent sure what Kyle and Sam's answer to that would be. Yeah. Um, because he is young. Yeah. You know, this is an age where, like I had said earlier, today it's third grade. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah. You know, what he does today doesn't necessarily impact if he decides to get back into wrestling in high school.
SPEAKER_00Um, walking away from a sport altogether will impact.
SPEAKER_01I think it does, but I just didn't know.
SPEAKER_00Like, and he didn't have a backup, he didn't say this instead.
SPEAKER_01No, because he didn't want to do anything instead. He wants to like ride his scooter, and I'm like, that's like I'm sorry. Yeah, you can do that on your own time. Like, you're killing me. But um, so yeah, it was like the first time that I actually was like, I'm taking a step back, and like this is a this is a a biological parent decision, not a stepmom decision. And I again, like, I can only think of I I don't even think I can think of circumstances where I wasn't very confident in Sam and Kyle's answer or felt like it was important enough that I didn't care what their answer would be or something like that. It was I they have to decide. Yeah. And um, I was like, but we're to the wise. I was like, if you do decide to have this conversation with them, I was like, that wouldn't be the answer. That wouldn't be. I want a different reason. The reason I give them because I feel like um that's not a good enough reason. And so I told him to think about a few things and I was like, and if you want to approach it with them, that's up to you. I was like, I'm not gonna do it. Like, I'm not asking for you because I don't think you should. I was like, you have to have that conversation. And he was like, okay. And to this day, I don't think he's approached it with either of them.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, he did tell me the other last last week or the week before, he was like, I don't think I want to quit. I was like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I knew. I knew it. Well, I started out wanting to talk about the sports parent life. And I think it's good that we came back around to the whole balance of knowing when to push your kids and when to just let them be kids. Um, because I think that's, you know, a bigger issue that a lot of people are still trying to figure out. So if you're a sports parent, we would love to hear your stories. Tell us about your schedules, your tournament weekends, things that have gone completely sideways, or even the little things that make all of it worth it. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, or wherever you listen and follow along with Become Turnham. And if you know another sports parent who is somewhere right now trying to figure out what they're supposed to be doing tomorrow morning or next weekend, send them this episode and um let them be part of this journey. Thanks for hanging out with us. We'll see you next time.